


positions | jean kirstein

by endpixels



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Action & Romance, Angst, Badass Jean Kirstein, Comfort Sex, Developing Relationship, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fanfiction, Feelings, Forbidden Love, Friends to Lovers, Gender-Neutral Hange Zoë, Good Friend Hange Zoë, Hurt/Comfort, Major Character Injury, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Praise Kink, Scout Regiment, Smut, Strong Female Characters, Swearing, Top Jean Kirstein
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:22:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 28,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29516661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/endpixels/pseuds/endpixels
Summary: Iris Winter, with a vow to herself, is a strong soldier of the Survey Corps, making her one of humanity's greatest fighters. After being on Squad Hange for seven months and climbing up the ranks, she finally lands the Squad Leader position. But everything takes a turn when you unexpectedly become Jean Kirstein's Co-Captain.Sleeping with your Captain can't be that bad... right?It is only a matter of time before secrets are revealed, tensions rise, and rules get broken.
Relationships: Jean Kirstein & Original Character(s), Jean Kirstein & Original Female Character(s), Jean Kirstein/Original Character(s), Jean Kirstein/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 43





	1. captain

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fanfiction and I hope you enjoy! <3
> 
> AGE REFERENCE:  
> \- Iris Winter: 18  
> \- Jean Kirstein: 19  
> \- Vera Klein: 17  
> \- Levi Ackerman: 30  
> \- Hange Zoe: 28  
> \- Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Connie, Sasha: 19

This is it. Today is the day.

Strolling out my room and walking down the hall, I begin to make my way towards Erwin's office.

I have waited my entire life for this moment.

Growing up in Trost District with my adoptive parents, my father was a Scout. He was highly ranked and respectable in the Scout Regiment, working with elites, such as Commander Erwin and the famed Levi Ackerman.

Eight years ago, my father left on the big expedition, the mission to reclaim Wall Maria.

That was the last time I saw him.

Only four years after, when I was fourteen, the wall of Trost District was breached by the Colossal Titan. I watched in terror as my mother was eaten by a titan, and as the titan began to approached me, I was frozen. I was absolutely helpless. If it weren't for Captain Hange, I would've been dead. They killed the titan just in time and saved my life.

Ever since losing both my parents, I made a vow to myself.

Once I turned fifteen, I joined the cadets. I trained my ass off, working harder than I have ever done before. And that hard work paid off. By the time I was eighteen, I graduated top of my class. Without a doubt in my mind, I joined the Scout Regiment. Many of the other cadets thought I was crazy for not taking the opportunity of joining the Military Police. They told me joining the Survey Corps was suicide.

I ignored them. I knew what I wanted and I was going to get it.

Due to my excellence in my skill and strength, I was assigned to an elite squad right away. Hange, the same person who saved my life, welcomed me into their squad with open arms.

After being on Squad Hange for six months, I have finally proven to the Commander of my capabilities, making me a potential candidate to consider for the promotion to Squad Leader, which is one step closer to the position of Section Commander.

My father's position.

Erwin knew my goal; he knew I wanted to follow in my father's footsteps and to live on his legacy as a highly notable leader in the Scout Regiment.

Taking a deep breath, I firmly knock on the wooden door three times.

"Come in," I hear from inside.

Pushing open the door, I walk over and put myself in front of him. The Commander sat behind his desk, with paperwork sprawled out. A tapestry behind him largely displayed the 'Wings of Freedom.'

"Iris," Erwin says. Looking up from his paperwork, he continues.

"As you know, your performance and skill are exceptional. You climbed up the ranks faster than anyone else I've ever seen. And I assume you know what this meeting is for."

"Yes, Commander," I respond.

"I know you are expecting to have your own squad, however, some modifications had to be made."

Noticing the slight confusion on my face, he resumes speaking. "You will be--"

He was cut off to the sound of knocks at the door. Erwin asks them to come in and the wooden doors swing open behind me. The sound of footsteps approach and they halt, stopping to the right of me.

"Ah, you are finally here," the Commander says.

Slightly turning my head, I study who the interrupter is. It is a man. Judging from the badge displayed on his jacket, he is a Scout just like me. He easily towered over me, despite me being 5'9". He had ash-brown hair in the style of an undercut and light brown eyes. His features were sharp, especially his jawline. His eyes were hard and narrowed, focusing his gaze on the Commander.

I take my eyes off of him and tune back into the conversation.

"You were the two people I was considering to promote to Squad Leader," Erwin begins.

"Although both of you are highly trained and skilled, I realized that there is much that you guys could still learn, especially from each other."

The man next to me scoffs, his face plastered with disbelief and irritation.

"What can I learn from her? I doubt it's anything useful," he says with a cocky look on his face, completely ignoring the fact that I am standing right next to him.

I glare at him, holding myself back from beating the shit out of him in front of the Commander.

Does this man have a stick up his ass? What's his issue?

"You, Jean, are highly experienced and are a natural leader. You are good at quick thinking and making decisions."

I scoff to myself, trying to hide my smile.

What a dumb name.

Erwin move his eyes to me. "And you, Iris, are highly skilled, deadly almost. Your mastery of ODM gear and fighting make you an excellent soldier. One of the best, in fact."

Leaning back into his chair, he goes on. "So I have decided to promote you both to Squad Leader. Jean, you will be Captain of the new squad, and Iris will be your Co-Captain."

My eyes widen in surprise and shock, and I could basically hear Jean's jaw hit the ground.

"But Commander-" Jean attempts to rebuttal before Erwin cut him off.

"No 'buts'. I expect both of you to make use of your talents and to train your team well. Since you will both be working together often from now on, you will need to bond. For the next week, I expect you guys to train and interact with each other. In order to be effective leaders, you will both need to trust each other and communicate well," Erwin states.

"After you guys have bonded, I will introduce you to your new squad so you can begin training with them. You both will also be moving into the Captains Quarter. I'll have the key to the room and more information delivered later today. And with that, you are dismissed."

His gaze turns back onto the paperwork in front of him.

Cursing under his breath, Jean storms out, being the first to leave.

"Asshole," I mutter under my breath before turning to leave the office.

\---

It is the day after the meeting with the Commander. Squad leaders and upper ranks lived in a separate part of the base so today I am moving. After saying my goodbyes to my roommate, Vera, I begin making my way towards the Captains Quarter. I wander around for a bit before finally finding my new room. I insert my key and turn the golden knob, walking though the door.

The room was much larger than I expected. To the right was a small living room, with a couch and a fireplace. To the left, there was a kitchen. Further into the room towards the back, there was an office. A large wooden desk sat in the middle of the office, and the walls were lined with bookshelves. There were many windows, allowing the natural sunlight to seep into the room.

Realizing there were two bedrooms, I decide to choose the one on the right. It is unusual for Erwin to assign me a room with two bedrooms when I would be living here alone, but I didn't complain.

After unpacking for what felt like an hour, my room is finally set up. Stripping out of my Scout uniform, I change into more comfortable clothing, a simple white camisole with black shorts.

I begin to walk out of my room to make myself a cup of tea when I hear the sound of shuffling footsteps. Out of instinct, I quickly go to hide behind the wall, grabbing a pan from the stove to use as a weapon. I wait as the footsteps grow louder and louder, getting closer and closer.

Once they were close enough, I push myself off the wall and swing the pan directly towards their head. Before the pan could make contact, my hand is stopped. The pan stopping only inches away from their head.

"What the hell are you doing?" Jean asks, looking down at me with irritation. His hand is firmly wrapped around my wrist. He had stopped the pan right before it could hit his face.

"What are you doing here?" I ask harshly, sending him daggers with my eyes.

He scoffs before replying. "I could ask you the same question."

Silence fills the room as we glare at each other. His free hand lifts up, grabbing the pan from my hand and placing it back down on the kitchen counter. In one fluid movement, he pins my wrist against the wall behind me, moving himself closer to me.

That's hot.

Wait what?

I quickly bring myself back to my senses and erase that thought from my mind.

"This is my room," I finally speak out, "Erwin gave me the key."

It took him a while to register my response. As if he realized something, Jean turns his head to the side, letting out a frustrated sigh and pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Oh, Commander, you son of a bitch," he says more to himself. He turns his attention back towards me.

"It looks like we are suppose to be living together since we are both captains of the same squad. Do you think you can handle that?" he says with a hint of mischief in his voice.

What the hell? Is that why there are two bedrooms?

"As long as I stay the hell away from you, I think I can manage," I answer, giving him a fake smile.

"And," he adds, "since we are now working together and living here, we need to keep it professional, yes?"

"Of course," I quickly respond, my face blank.

"Well then, for starters..." he begins as I watch his eyes trail down my body, his gaze lingering on my chest and my legs, before coming back up to meet my gaze again.

"I don't think the little outfit you are wearing is really appropriate, don't you think?" A smirk grows on his face.

"In order to remain professional, we must be dressing like it too. Understand?"

I give him a blank stare. "Fine."

I thought for a second before continuing. "But outside of our 'bonding hours,' I don't want to see your face around me," I say as I send him another fake smile.

"Understand?" I add, mocking him.

The smirk on his face only grows larger.

"Aye aye, Captain."

Those were the last words he said before leaving me in the kitchen alone.


	2. seduction

The sunlight from the window pours into my room, slowly beginning to wake me up.

I sit up as I yawn and stretch, and I notice a note that had been slipped under my door. Groaning, I retrieve the note and slightly squint as I read it:

Today is our first day of training together. Meet me in the courtyard at 1pm. We will be sparring. Don't be late.

\- Jean

\---

After getting ready for the day and putting on my scout uniform, I begin to head towards the cafeteria.

"Iris!"

I turn my head towards the voice and it was Vera, motioning me to come sit with her. I grab my breakfast before I begin heading to her table.

She and Hange were in the midst of a conversation when I seat myself next to Hange and across from Vera.

Vera Klein. We met as cadets in training and she was one of the few people who I could actually tolerate. The guys only constantly tried to flirt with me or were simply too intimidated to even look my way. The girls were envious of me because of it. Vera was the only one who treated me like a normal person. She and I ended up becoming best friends, and we both graduated top of our class. I got first and she got second.

"Iris, I haven't heard from you since you got promoted! How's everything going so far?" She asks, her eyes beaming with excitement.

"Its going okay. Nothing really happened yet. I actually have my first training session later today."

Hange pipes in, "EEEEE I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!" They hug me tightly, shaking me back and forth.

"You are all grown up now! I still remember when you were a little girl!"

I pry their hands from my body before they could cut off my blood circulation and give them a playful eye roll, a smile creeping onto my face.

"So, who's in your squad?" Vera asks, eating a spoonful of her food.

"I don't even know yet. Erwin didn't tell me," I sigh. "He promoted me, but I'm going to be the Co-Captain, not Captain."

Hange's eyebrows furrow in confusion. "Then who's the Captain?"

"Jean. Jean Kirstein," I say while picking at my plate of food.

"How is he so far?"

"Annoying," I respond, rolling my eyes.

"Ever since Erwin told him that I was going to be his Co-Captain, he's been bitching about it like a little girl. Erwin told us we had to bond before we can actually start training our team, so we are sparring later today."

Hange lets out a laugh from beside me.

"You're going to totally kick horse face's butt."

"Of course I am," I say with a confident smile on my face.

He has no idea what's coming for him.

I spend the next couple hours in the cafeteria, talking with Vera and Hange. Once the clock hit 1pm, we say our farewells, and I slowly begin to make my way to the courtyard where we planned on meeting up. I see him leaning against the side of the brick wall, looking around with an irritated look on his face. He finally spots me and pushes himself off the wall, approaching me.

"You're late." He says, anger laced in his voice.

I raise my eyebrows, displaying my amusement which only seemed to piss him off more.

"Don't your panties in a twist. I am only late by five minutes."

I swear I heard him growl. "Still. Don't be late or else I'll have to find a way to punish you."

I scoff at his comment. "Sure thing," I answer sarcastically.

Jean didn't find my remark funny and anger flashed in his eyes. If looks could kill, I would be dead ten times over.

Out of nowhere, he grabs my shoulder, turning me around, and starts leading me towards the fields.

"Whatever. Let's just start sparring."

\---

"Ready?" I call out to him while tying back my black hair with my red ribbon, putting it in a high ponytail.

"Who ever keeps the other one on the ground for 10 seconds first wins." I was already in my fighting stance with my fists up. "Deal?"

He takes off his jacket, leaving him only in his white button up shirt, his back muscles flexing ever so slightly. He gets into position and raises up his hands, sending me a smirk. "Deal."

We begin to circle around as I study his movements. His form is good, but his movement so far is predictable and easy to read.

He throws the first punch, attempting to send a right hook to my face. I duck and send an uppercut into his jaw. He stumbles back, surprised at my move.

I send him a smirk, "Impressed?"

Jean recovers, and from his stance, I knew he was now in defense. I send him a punch that he manages to easily dodge. He quickly punches me in the stomach, knocking the wind out of me as I let out a grunt. He sends another punch at me, trying to hit my stomach again. This time, I swing my arm out and grab onto his, blocking his punch.

"Tsk tsk," I say, shaking my head. Our eyes meet as my smirk grows wider. "Bad move."

Catching him off guard, I yank his arm towards me, sending his body to me. I grab the back of his shirt and wrap my right leg around his and kick, sending him to the ground. He swiftly grabs onto my shirt and I fall down with him. We grunt as we hit the floor, and I quickly move to straddle him, restricting his movement.

Pulling my fist back, I punch him across the face. Hard.

Just when I was about to punch again, he suddenly thrusts his hips into me. Catching me off guard, he took advantage of my distraction to flip us over. This time, he is the one hovering over me, pinning down both of my hands above my head with one of his hands.

"Tsk tsk," he starts, with his finger waving back and forth in front of my face with a smile. "Bad move," he mocks.

There's no way in hell I'm letting this cocky bastard win.

Letting out a yell, I head-butt him, causing him to loosen his grip on my wrists. I pull them from his grasp and reach out to grab his neck. I send him to the side, and I go to straddle his hips again, my hand still choking him.

There are two ways for me to win this fight.

Option A: beat the shit out of him for 10 seconds.

Option B: something a little more fun.

I chose option B.

With my hand still wrapped around his neck, I bend down to get closer to his face. Jean stops struggling from under me, watching me intensely as I move closer and closer. Using my finger from my free hand, I begin to trace his face. Slowly dragging my finger across his jawline, his gaze stay fixed on me. I watch as his light brown eyes darken. I bend down even more, allowing my hot breath to hit the side of his face, teasing him.

Once I got next to his ear, his breath hitches. I whisper with a smirk on my face, "I win."

I back up and begin to climb off of him. Jean stayed on the floor, stunned.

"Are you going to get up or what?" I ask him, slightly amused that my plan actually worked. I see him finally start to stand and I go back to get my jacket that I had left on the floor near the tree.

"Iris. What the fuck was that."

I put on my jacket and untie my hair, letting it fall down my back, before turning around to face him. His eyes are still dark.

"Hm? What do you mean?" I ask innocently, acting completely clueless about what he was referring to.

I take a step back as he takes a step towards me. He steps again and I back up even more until my back hit the tree. His hands go up, completely caging me between him and the tree.

He lowers his face to stare at me, his eyes flickering around my face.

"You know exactly what I mean. That was a cheap move."

I watch as his eyes quickly scan up and down my body.

"Especially for someone like you."

I raise an eyebrow at him. "What move?" I reply, acting oblivious.

That seemed to piss him off.

"You can't seduce your target like that. You think a mindless titan would get turned on and decide not to eat you?" he replies harshly, clearly frustrated at my joking.

Realizing his words, a smile creeps onto my face.

"Are you admitting I seduced you?" I bring my index finger up to trace down his chest.

"That I turned you on?" I say playfully, tilting my head slightly.

Jean looked as if his head was about to explode. He opens his mouth to say something but before he he got the chance, I duck under his arms and free myself from him.

"Well, that I was fun," I say as I begin walking away. I stop in my tracks and turn my head back to where Jean was standing. His eyes were glaring into me like knifes.

"See you later, Captain."

I raise my hand and give him a playful salute before sending him a wink. Smiling to myself, I began walking back to my room.


	3. squad

I sat there quietly eating my dinner as Hange continued talking about their titan experiments. Vera had a blank stare, keeping her eyes on the wall in front of her.

"Hey, Vera," I wave my hand in front of her face to grab her attention.

"Hu- huh what?" she replies startled. I silently laugh at her cluelessness.

"You were zoning out. Are you okay?"

Meeting my eyes, she answers quickly. "Uh.. yeah! Everything is fine."

I stare at her. "You're lying."

"Pft what! Like I said, everything is f—"

"Vera. You know you can tell us anything," Hange joins in with concern in their voice.

Letting out a long sigh, she finally caves in.

"I just miss my home. My parents." She avoids our eyes, staring at her bowl of food.

Vera was from Trost District just like me. She had a great relationship with her parents, especially with her mother. I recall all the long nights during training camp where we stayed up admiring the night sky, talking about random topics that came across our minds. Every time she talked about her family to me, there was always a wide smile across her face. Luckily, during the invasion of Trost, she and her parents managed to escape and get inside of Wall Rose safely. They now lived in a small town within Wall Rose.

She left home to become a Scout, wanting to make a name for herself.

Wanting to help save humanity.

Hange, who was seated next to Vera, reaches over and gives her a hug in an attempt to comfort her.

"It's okay, Vera. It's tough out here and many of us miss our loved ones."

They paused and let out a sigh before continuing. "It only gets harder. Perhaps, after we reclaim Wall Maria, you could go home and visit them," Hange replies enthusiastically.

Vera gives her a smile.

Hange is almost like a mother figure to me. After losing both my parents, I was all alone. Hange was the one who saved me from a titan and took me into their squad when I joined the Survey Corps, teaching me everything I know. If there is one person in this world that I could rely on, it would be Hange.

"Maybe you can write them a letter? I know some of the other Scouts send letters home," I pipe in.

"Maybe I will," Vera responds, sending Hange and I a soft smile. "Thank you, guys."

Once I finished my meal and said my farewells to Hange and Vera, I begin to walk back to my room. It is already dark outside, the stars twinkling in the night sky.

Watching the stars has always been one of my favorite things to do. It was nice to get away from everything, from this world, even if it was only for a night.

Opening the window in my room, I climb out onto the roof. Since the Captains Quarter is on the second floor, I had a nice private rooftop area overlooking a vast field. I take a seat, wrapping my blanket around me tighter and with my arms wrapped around my knees, and I look up.

The stars seem brighter than usual, and I sit in peace for about twenty minutes before I hear knocks at my door. I tell him to come in, hoping he could hear me from outside the window.

The door opens and closes, and I listen as his footsteps approach me.

I slightly turn my head back to look at him. Jean, with his hair messy, was wearing his uniform with the buttons of his collared suit slightly undone at the top. He looked as if he hasn't slept in days.

We have been training together for about a week now and turns out, he isn't as bad as I thought. He's annoying and cocky, but he's tolerable. Most of our bonding was of us bickering and arguing, but it made our time together less boring.

"Hey, dumbass," he called out to me. I was sitting on the couch, reading a book when he came in.

"I have a name you know," I say while flipping to the next page.

"What is your name again? Ivy is it? Or Isabel?" He replies, clearly trying to piss me off.

Scoffing, I respond, "At least I'm not named after a pair of pants."

I close my book to look at him standing behind me as he took off his jacket.

"Didn't I tell you to stay away from me when we aren't bonding?" I add, keeping my tone flat.

He stares down at me, resting his arms on the top of the couch.

"And who says we aren't bonding right now?" he replies smartly, slightly smirking.

"Is there something you want?" I ask, breaking the silence.

"As you know, I had a meeting with Erwin today," he says, beginning to approach my window.

"We will meet them and have our first training session with our squad at one o'clock tomorrow. We will all be meeting up in the courtyard."

I hum in acknowledgement before telling him 'thank you.' Assuming he was going to leave my room, I turn my attention back up to the night sky.

Except, I did not hear him leave. I turn my head back around and see Jean standing there, looking at me.

"Is there a problem?" I say, raising my eyebrow at him.

I seemed to interrupt his thoughts. His eyes snap up to mine.

"Oh uh. No, no there isn't," he said with an unreadable expression on his face.

"Don't be late again, Iris," he musters before turning to leave my room, closing the door behind him.

Strange.

\---

I put on a fresh uniform, equipping my harness and strapping the belts up my legs, to my waist, and around my chest and shoulders. I zip up my boots before tying up my long hair in a ponytail with my red ribbon. Taking one last look in the mirror, I leave my room. Closing the door behind me, I hear Jean leaving his room as well. We awkwardly freeze and make eye contact before he speaks.

"Ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be," I respond.

He gets to the front door before me and opens it, gesturing for me to go first. We begin walking to the courtyard together in silence.

We see a group of four standing together near the center of the yard, engrossed in a conversation. Jean leads us towards them. A girl with reddish-brown hair notices us approaching and says something to the group, causing all of their eyes and bodies to suddenly turn towards us.

"Hello, soldiers," Jean starts as I stand to the left of him.

"I am Jean Kirstein. I am your new Captain, and you will all be apart of Squad Jean."

He turns his eyes to me.

"This is my Co-Captain, Iris Winter. She and I will be leading you. We expect you to obey our orders and work hard. We will not tolerate slackers. Since today is our first day, we will be doing a simple evaluation of your skills. We will head to the fields where you will be partnered up and spar so my Co-Captain can evaluate you."

Jean and I turn to start heading to the fields, the squad following close behind us.

After everyone is paired, they start sparing. Since fighting is my expertise, my job is to observe them, identify their strengths and weaknesses. I begin analyzing the first pair.

Sasha Braus and Connie Springer. They are good friends with Jean. They had transferred squads after practically begging Commander Erwin to be moved to Jean's new squad. Sasha and Connie are some of the best and most experienced Scouts, making them great additions to our new team.

Sasha, the perky red-brown haired girl from earlier, is one of the best at range combat and archery. From what I hear, her shots are extremely accurate, never missing her targets. However, her hand-to-hand combat wasn't the best. Her form is sloppy, making it easy for any opponent to knock her to the ground.

I turn my attention towards Connie. He had a slim build with his hair shaved short in a buzzcut. He is proficient with his ODM gear and maneuverability, but he is a jokester, always loving a chance to crack a joke and have fun.

I watch as he and Sasha begin to bicker and laugh about something. They stop sparring all together and began making weird poses and faces to each other, yelling at the top of their lungs.

Rolling my eyes, I turn towards the other pair.

Otto Wagner and Miles Weber. They are both relatively new to the Survey Corps but have prove themselves to be some of the best. They are childhood friends who both graduated top ten of their trainee class. They have been Scouts for about a four months. They took their sparring session much more seriously than those other two goofballs.

Miles Weber was a big man. He had long blonde hair that was tied back in a little bun and piercing blue eyes. Miles had a muscular build, standing slighter taller than me but shorter than Jean. His form was impressive, but his aggressiveness and reckless fighting could easily get him beat.

Otto Wagner was the opposite of Miles. He had the same muscular build but the brunet was shorter than Miles, with dark brown eyes. Surprisingly, he was light on his feet, easily dodging Otto's punches. Although his fighting skills were above average and better than the rest of the squad, according to his file, Otto was only average at maneuvering his ODM gear.

"So," Jean speaks from besides to me.

"What do you think of them so far, Captain?"

"Pretty good. They need some work, but they are better than I expected them to be."

"What do you think we should do during our next training session?"

I thought for a minute before answering.

"Them versus me. In a 1v1."

His eyes flicker down to meet mine.

"What?" he replies, looking at me like I was crazy.

"They all could use some work on their fighting. So what a better way to do that than to go against me?" I answer, maintaining eye contact with him. I send him a small smile.

"One of the best fighters of humanity?"

He took time to process my words before agreeing.

"Fine. Tomorrow, we will come out here again, and the team will do 1v1 sparring against you. You better not cry and whine when you get hurt though," he says teasingly.

I scoff with a smile on my face before returning my gaze towards our team who were still sparing. With confidence in my voice, I respond to Jean.

"I'm not the one who's going to be crying."


	4. touch

Using my ribbon to pull my hair back, I threw it up into a high ponytail. Raising my fists and getting into position, I was ready.

The squad formed a single line in front of me with Jean off to the side, watching me. I was going to be fighting them one-on-one. The first one on the ground or the first one to tap out loses.

Sasha was up first. She gulps as she nervously gets into fighting position.

I make my first move, attempting to send a hook to her right side. She ducks, barely dodge it. I quickly pull my other fist back, sending it into her stomach. She steps back, coughing, as she tried to recover. Taking this chance, I hook my leg behind her's, bringing her to the floor. She grunts as she hits the ground.

"Ok! Ok!" she says frantically, putting her hands up to show surrender. "You win!" I smile at her before offering her my hand. She takes it cautiously, and I help her up.

"Next," I simply state, putting my fists up once again.

Miles was up next. Not wasting any time, he throws a series of powerful punches at me. I dodge them all before elbowing him in the stomach and face. Holding his nose, he scowls before charging at me again. I waited until he was close enough before side-stepping him. He turns and sends a left hook at my face. Crouching down and dodging it, I sweep my leg under him as he falls onto the floor. He groans to himself as he lies on the floor, accepting defeat. I also offer him a hand and help him up.

The next person was up. Connie, more concentrated and serious than yesterday, comes at me. He throws a punch my way but I use my arm, wrapping it around his before turning him around and trapping him. With my arm pinning his behind his back, I wrap my other arm around his neck, putting him in a head lock. Cutting off his air flow as his face gets red from the blood rushing to his head, he begins slapping my arm that I had wrapped around his neck, tapping out. I release him and he falls to the floor, gasping for air.

"Damn, you're strong," he breathes out before crawling over to where Sasha and Miles stood. I could hear Sasha laughing at him.

There was one more person I needed to fight. It was Otto, the best fighter on the team.

Other than me, of course.

We get into position as we begin circling each other. I throw the first punch and he effortlessly dodges it. He attempts to combo me and sends multiple punches to my stomach. I block both punches with my arms. Using the opening I had created, I pull back my fist and sent it directly to his stomach. Surprisingly, he manages to avoid it just in time and backs up, sending a roundhouse kick to my face. I duck just in time and send him a smirk.

This guy is better than I thought.

Attempting to throw him off, I send him a punch which he easily dodges. While he is busy dodging, I send a knifehand strike into his neck. He grunts and breaks his stance. I quickly deliver a skipping front kick to his chest, sending him flying to the floor.

I walk up to him and give him my hand, pulling him up. Once he was brought to his feet, I turn back to the squad. All of their faces held shocked expressions as if they did not expect me to beat them all, especially without any of them getting a single scratch on me. Jean, on the other hand, had his arms crossed as he smirked at me.

"So," I begin. "As you guys just saw, you all need to work on your combat skills. You all need to stay in your fighting position. Never put your arms down. Always read your opponent and anticipate their next move. Never blindly swing, especially without a plan."

My eyes flicker between each squad member.

"If no one has any questions," I say while turning my body and walking back to the tree to retrieve my jacket. "Then practice is dismissed."

"That was impressive." I turn my head back towards the voice.

I look up at Jean. He simply stood there and watched me as I put on my jacket.

"Thanks," I mutter under my breath before walking past him, heading straight towards my room.

Although I easily beat everyone on the team, I was exhausted and in dire need of a nap. Jean follows close behind me. Annoyed, I turn to face him.

"Why are you following me?" I say, my voice flat.

He chuckles before answering. "Did you happen to forget we live together?"

I wanted to punch him right then and there, but I was too tired to even do that. So, I turn and begin to speed-walk. His footsteps follow.

Once in front of the door, I pull it open and make a straight path to my room. I shut the door behind me and groan.

I tiredly begin to change out of my uniform and untie my hair, letting it fall down my shoulders. I turn on the shower and strip out of my clothes, walking into the shower. I let the water cascade down my face, my hair, and my body. Steam began to fog up the restroom as I washed myself.

With my eyes closed and my hair under the water, memories of my childhood filled my thoughts.

"Daddy's home!" I squeal excitedly, rushing towards the door to open it.

There my dad was stood in his Scout uniform, and the green cloak wrapped around his body. He crouches down to my level and opens his arms. I run into him, as he gives me a tight hug.

"Mommy and I missed you," I say, my head buried in his chest. He lets out a deep laugh before releasing me and standing back up.

"I missed you guys too," he replies, sending me a sweet smile.

My mom hears the commotion from the kitchen and runs to my dad.

"Jonas!" she calls out, embracing him before giving him a kiss. My dad kisses her back as I stare at them with disgust.

"Gross," I say under my breath, making them laugh.

My dad had gone on a three month long mission near Krolva District, and he finally returned home. He announced to us that he was promoted to Section Commander, making him one of the four under Commander Erwin Smith.

That night, we had a celebratory dinner with all our favorite foods. We caught up together as a family as we ate, laughing and enjoying being in each other's presence.

It was the happiest day of my life.

I open my eyes, bringing myself back to reality. After washing the rest of the soap off my body and shutting the water off, I grab my towel and begin to dry myself. With my towel wrapped around my body, I head towards my closet and pick a comfortable outfit to wear. I settled for a grey tank top and matching grey shorts.

Climbing into my bed, I rest my head on my pillow as my eyelids begin to become heavier and heavier, and I begin slipping into darkness.

\---

Bang, Bang, Bang.

I slowly open my eyes as the banging and a muffled voice outside my door grew louder and louder. Groaning, I grab my pillow and wrap it around my head, hoping to block out the loud noise.

"Don't make me kick your door down," I heard Jean yell from the other side.

"He wouldn't," I mumble to myself before closing my eyes once again.

The banging and yelling stopped. I release the pillow from around my head, letting out a breath of relief.

Finally, some peace and quiet.

I spoke too soon.

I hear a large bang yet again. Expect this time, I also hear the sound of wood splintering. I shoot my eyes open and sit up in my bed as my door flies open.

My jaw drops as I watch Jean walk in my room after leaving the big hole in my door. I look up at his face about to yell at him for breaking my door when he begins to walk towards me. I stare at him with wide eyes as he yanks my arm and drags me off my bed. I pull my arm from him, escaping his grip.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

He turns to look down at me, his face filled with anger. "Waking you up."

"For what?" I ask while rubbing my eyes, still trying to wake up.

"We have a meeting with the Commander and the other Squad Leaders. I believe it's for an upcoming mission to reclaim Wall Maria," he says with a hint of annoyance. He looks down at me, observing my still wet hair and sleeping clothes.

"It starts in ten minutes, and you are still not ready."

I stare at him like he was crazy.

"So you broke my door?" I reply, pissed off.

"Yes." His face was blank as he stared at me.

"Get ready. We are leaving in five minutes whether you are ready or not. Don't make me drag you there." He leaves my room, letting me get ready.

I put my hands on my face before letting out a long sigh.

I'm going to murder him one day.

I sluggishly walk to my closet and got dressed in my bathroom since my door was completely broken off. I look in the mirror, noticing my messy hair. I grab my hairbrush and brush it out until it was presentable enough.

I hear Jean from the living room yelling at me to hurry. I roll my eyes as I did some final touches and look at myself one last time in the mirror.

I walk out of my room to see Jean leaning against the front door with his leg propped up on the door. He watches me angrily as I approach him. Once I was ready, he turns, opening the door for us, and we begin to make our way towards the meeting room.

We make it to the meeting just in time and sit ourselves at the long table. Erwin sat in the middle, with the Section Commanders, two to his right and two to his left. I head to the right, and I take a seat to the left of Hange. We give each other a soft smile as I took my seat. Jean took the empty seat next to me. Once everyone is seated, the meeting begins.

"I have called you all here today to announce an upcoming expedition outside the walls," Erwin starts.

"Soon, we will be go outside of Wall Rose to make a path towards Shiganshina District and Wall Maria. Depending on the success of the mission, we can also potentially use Eren's titan abilities to close the hole in Wall Maria and Shiganshina. Because the gate at Trost District is unusable, we will be forced to leave from Karanes District."

He pauses before continuing. "I expect you all to inform your Squad Members and prepare them for this expedition. Make sure they understand the formation. We will most likely lose many soldiers along the way, but we need to be as prepared as possible. The 57th expedition is expected to commence in a week from today."

After discussing a few minor details, the meeting came to an end. It was already eight o'clock at night so Hange and I, as well as many of the other Squad Leaders, begin to walk towards the cafeteria to grab dinner.

Hange leads me to the table with Levi and some of the other leaders. I listen to their conversation discussing the expedition, quietly eating my dinner as I thought to myself.

Since I have only been in the Survey Corps for eight months, I have only gone on one other expedition.

It turned out to be a complete failure.

More than half of us died, and at least two-thirds of us were injured. One person, Elliot Hunter, had died from our squad, and the rest of us were injured in one way or another. Leo Sommer, the new Scout on Squad Hange, was in a coma for at least a month. Vera had severally sprained her arm and was handicapped for four weeks.

Luckily, I had only injured my ribs. Although I did not break anything, Hange forced me to rest at least for two weeks. I listened, but I absolutely hated it. I hated feeling completely helpless.

Even after those two weeks when I could finally return to Hange's Squad, the rest of the team were still too injured. While waiting for the rest of us to recover, I took that time to train. I trained day and night despite Hange's constant nagging for me to take a break. I just never wanting to feel weak and useless again.

"But we need to! Don't you agree, Iris?" Hange had asked me a question.

I snap out of my daze, not knowing what to say. I look around to the rest of the table, noticing everyone's eyes on me as if they were waiting for my reply.

I nervously laugh. "Um... yes?" I reply, unsure.

Hange bangs their fist into the table, startling me. "See? Even Iris agrees with me!"

"Tch," Levi replies, disagreeing with Hange's statement.

Hange and Levi begin to bicker about something as I finish my dinner, and I excuse myself. After waving goodbye to Hange and the others, I head straight back to my room.

Opening the front door, I see Jean sitting behind the desk. He was wearing a plain sage green collared shirt, rolled up at the sleeves. With his shoulders tense, his eyebrows were furrowed in concentration as he read the paperwork he had lying on big wooden desk. I head to the kitchen and begin to boil water, making myself a nice cup of tea.

For once, I decided to be nice.

I pour two cups of jasmine tea, and I begin to walk towards the office where Jean was still focused on the sprawled out paperwork. I place the cup in front of him as he looks up, first to the cup of tea, and then to my face.

His eyes slightly soften once he sees me.

"Thank you," he says as he talks the cup and puts it to his lips, slowly sipping the tea. He lets out a hum of approval as he leans back into the chair, taking a break from his work.

I stand there, watching him in silence as we both sipped on our tea.

"Let me guess," I say, breaking the silence.

"Work for the upcoming mission?" I walk closer and lean against the desk, facing him.

He lets out a stressful sigh before answering.

"Yeah. I've been dealing with this damn paperwork ever since the meeting ended." He brought the cup back up to his lips, drinking more tea.

"Why don't you take a break then? Did you even eat yet?" I ask quietly, watching my tea as I swirl it around in my cup.

He downs the rest of the tea, placing the empty cup on the desk before running his hands through his hair.

"No. But I need to finish this first," he replies with his hands resting behind his head.

"Go eat," I say meeting his eyes, coming out more as a command than a suggestion.

He looks up towards me as he thought to himself, contemplating his options. He removes his hands from behind his head and returns his attention back to the paper in front of him.

"Later."

I watch him as he continues to read the papers, occasionally picking up his pen to write something down.

Even though he was completely exhausted and tense, and completely ignored me when I told him to take a break, I couldn't blame him.

I would've done the same thing.

Sighing, I place my now empty cup on his desk. His eyes watch me with curiosity as I walk behind him in his chair. My hands reach for his shoulders as I begin rubbing and moving my thumb in circular motions underneath his neck. He sightly tenses at my touch, but once I applied more pressure, he let out a deep groan before leaning back on his chair again. With his eyes closed, his back muscles relax as I continue to massage him.

After about five minutes, I release him, pulling my hands away. Jean simply watches me as I pick up the two empty cups on his desk and begin to leave his office. On my way out, I pause and turn my head back. His eyes were still on me.

"Don't stay up too late."

I turn back around, walking back to the kitchen to wash the cups before heading back into my room for the night.


	5. glass

The next week went by in a flash.

Jean and I trained hard with our team, preparing ourselves for the upcoming expedition. We would leave first thing tomorrow morning.

We decided to not train the day before the mission since we wanted our squad to be fully healed and energized for the big day.

Jean was still hard at work with all his paperwork since this morning.

I swear I have never seen that man sleep.

I leaned against the doorframe of the office as I watch him work away.

"Are you ever going to take a break?" I walk into the office, taking a seat in the chair across from him, crossing my legs.

He glances up at me before looking back at the paper he was holding.

"After the mission."

"Yesterday during our ODM gear practice, you nearly ran into a building," I respond with a small smirk on my face.

He glares at me before rolling his eyes. "I'll be fine."

"You won't be saying that tomorrow when you accidentally fall asleep on your horse," I joke.

"Ha Ha," he responds sarcastically, "You are so funny."

I lean back in my chair as I look around the office. Two tall bookshelves lined the wall behind him and two closets for our ODM gear were besides the large window that allowed plenty of natural light into our room.

"Are you just going to sit there and bother me while I work?" he asks, causing me to bring my focus back to him.

I hum to myself before speaking. "I will sit here and bother you until you finally decide to take a break."

He looks up towards me again to stare at me.

"Either you go and take a break, or I knock you out so you'll be forced to take one," I say with a smile as we hold eye contact.

He scoffs. "Yeah, like you would actually do that."

I stare at him blankly.

"Yes. Yes I would."

His eyes slightly widen when he realizes that I was being serious. He takes a minute to think before leaning back in his chair, groaning.

"Fine."

I give him a smile. "See? Was that so hard?" I reply, poking fun at him.

"Shut up."

He finally stands from his chair, stretching his arms and neck. He leaves the office and heads straight into his room, closing the door behind him.

I leave the office as well and head to my room to take a quick shower.

With a towel wrapped around my body, I make my way to my closet on the opposite side of my room.

The sound of a door opening comes from the left as I freeze.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

I snap my head towards the direction of the door to see Jean staring at me with wide eyes.

I had totally forgotten that I had no door. I quickly use the door of the closet to cover my body as I feel my face start to heat up, getting red.

"Oh my god. I'm sorry," I sputter out. "I totally forgot that my door was gone."

I put my eyes anywhere expect on his. For the first time ever, I was so embarrassed, and I did not know what to do.

"O- oh," I hear him say, his hand rubbing the back of his neck. "Um, it's fine."

We were both frozen in our spot as we looked around awkwardly.

"I'm sorry about your door by the way."

I force myself to look at him, and I immediately regret it when I saw that he was looking at me.

"It's okay," I squeak out.

"I'll just..." he says awkwardly, pointing and walking towards the kitchen. Once he was finally out of sight, I quickly grab my clothes and run to my bathroom, locking the door behind me.

I can't believe that really just happened.

For the rest of the day, I stayed in my room, catching up on my books. After spending an hour on my roof stargazing, I climb back through my window and head to bed for an early start tomorrow.

I lie in bed, staring the ceiling. I couldn't sleep as the event of that evening still tainted my mind. I already knew it was going to be super awkward tomorrow on our mission. I just hope that Jean wouldn't bring it up.

Frustrated for not being able to sleep, I head out into the kitchen to grab myself a glass of cold water.

Bringing the cup towards my mouth to drink it, I turn around and nearly spit it out.

It was Jean.

It was dark in the kitchen, but I knew he was shirtless. The moonlight coming through the kitchen window perfectly highlighted and shadowed his physique and muscles, especially his abs. The only thing he had on was a pair of dark grey sweatpants.

"Holy shit," I say in between coughs as I choked on my water. "You scared me."

He just stares at me while I try to contain myself.

Why does this keep happening to me. Why me.

"What are you doing awake?" I finally ask after composing myself, leaning against the kitchen counter.

"Couldn't sleep," he replies with his eyes still on me.

"How about you?"

"Same."

Silence. Again.

I stare at the wall behind him, not wanting to meet his eyes again. That didn't last long since I see him slowly approach me from the corner of my eye. I watch him as he stalks towards me, closer and closer.

Once he was only inches away from my body, he reaches his hand up. Jean, while holding eye contact, lets his fingers linger on mine before grabbing the glass of water out my hand. I watch him with wide eyes as he brings it to his lips and begin to drink the water, his Adam's apple bobbing with every sip he took.

Oh my god.

After downing the water, he reaches out, placing the empty glass on the counter behind me. Instead of immediately bringing his hand back, he grips onto the counter, caging me in between him and the counter.

I stood there, frozen, and unable to move, with his face only inches away from mine. I prayed that he couldn't see my red face under the soft moonlight coming from the window.

I gulp nervously, looking up at him.

"Wha- What are you doing?"

I just stare intensely as I watch as his eyes begin scanning my face, his eyes lingering around my lips.

It felt as if I had butterflies in my stomach.

While he was busy admiring my face, I do the same for his. I watch as his eyes darken, his eyebrows slightly furrow, and his lips slightly part.

In that moment, I had no idea what came over me.

I felt the sudden urge to grab his face and crash my lips onto his.

As if he could read my mind, Jean bends his head down and crashes his lips onto mine.

Almost immediately, I begin to kiss him back.

His hand goes up, tangling in my hair. I slowly slide my hands up and wrap them around his neck, pulling him even closer to me.

Our lips moved in sync as we begin to kiss harder and harder. His tongue slightly lined my bottom lip, begging for permission. I open my mouth even more and I feel his tongue meet into mine.

Our tongues swirling together and exploring each other's mouths, he moves his hand from my hair to behind my thighs, lifting me up and sitting me on the kitchen counter. He moves in between my legs and I wrap my legs around his hips, leaving no gaps of space between us.

He suddenly pulls his lips from mine and with his hand in my hair, he pulls slightly. My head goes up, giving him full access to my neck.

He bends down even more and I feel his lips linger, teasing me, before placing wet kisses up and down my neck. He begins to suck a spot on my neck and my eyes roll back in bliss as I let out a soft moan. Taking note of this, Jean began sucking harder, marking me. My hand reaches up to his hair and I lightly tug as he lets out a groan against my neck.

I tug him by the hair, putting him away from my neck. Our eyes meet again, both of us blind by lust. I slam my lips into his, kissing him aggressively as he returns the same energy. His large hands move up from my thighs to grip my ass.

But before he could, the sound of shattering glass causes us to freeze.

We both pull away from each other, breathing heavily. I look towards where the sound had come from.

The glass that he had placed on the counter fell onto the floor, breaking into small pieces.

And that is when the realization hit me.

Oh no.

My eyes widen and as if I was brought to my senses, I use my hands that I had placed on his chest and push him from me, creating distance between us.

"Excuse me," I quickly mumble before jumping off the counter and slipping out from beneath him. I could feel his eyes follow me back to my room, but I did not turn back.

I run into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. With my back pressed against the door still trying to catch my breath, I begin to process what just happened.

We kissed. I just kissed the Captain.

I bring my hands up to my face as embarrassment settles in.

This can't be happening right now.

My lips were almost tingling and numb from kissing him, his taste still lingering.

I walk towards the sink and splash my face with the cold water, hoping to cool my heated face off.

After hiding in the bathroom for twenty minutes, I silently opened the door and quietly went to my bed, pulling the covers over my body.

I could only lie there and look at the ceiling.

I already knew that this is going to make the mission tomorrow much more awkward, especially since we are paired together in Erwin's formation. I silently pray that Jean wouldn't bring the kiss up on the expedition.

I had no idea what had came over us. In the heat of the moment, we kissed.

Although we often playfully teased each other, I would've never expected us to actually kiss.

Especially like that.

It was hot, not even going to lie, but it was wrong. It shouldn't have happened.

I turn to my side, facing towards the window.

The kiss lingers my mind as I force my eyes shut, trying to sleep for the big day that awaits up.

\---

After grabbing breakfast earlier than I usually do, I head back to prepare.

Opening the chest that stored my ODM gear, I begin strapping it on. Looking in a mirror, I tie my hair back before noticing something on my neck.

Love bites.

His love bites.

The hickey is located on the right side of my neck where Jean had kissed me the night before. Cursing under my breath, I search for my powder I bought a couple months back.

I knew this was going to come handy one day.

Using the powder puff, I begin to cover the hickey. Although the powder helped, anyone who looks close enough could realize that it was. Luckily, the shirt I was wearing had a collar, and my cloak would cover my neck even more.

Wrapping the green cloak around my body, I begin making my way towards the stables.

"Hello, Juniper," I say as I begin stroking my horse. She gives me a light neigh in response.

I open the gate, leading Juniper out her stable. Grabbing the saddle, I swing it over her body and once everything is attached, I climb up, swinging my leg over her. As I leave the stables, I spot our squad standing together in a circle.

Otto is the first to see me approach.

"Good morning, Captain," he says and the others turn towards me.

Since Jean is not here yet, I decide to give the orders.

"Good morning, soldiers," I start. "Today we begin the 57th expedition outside the walls. We will not be together as a team, but I expect you all to stick with your assigned partner and to follow the formation plan you learned. Remember to use your flares if you spot something. If we are ready, let's start heading to the gate."

"Yes, Captain!" they in unison before mounting their horses and begin to make their way to the gate. The sound of horse comes from behind and didn't need to turn to see who it was.

Jean walks up on his horse besides me, and we give each other a small awkward smile before following our squad to the gate.

God, this is so awkward.

Jean and I make our way to the front of the gate, getting into our position, and Erwin begins his speech as the gate begins to rise.

Erwin concludes his speech as a roar of battle cries and yells erupted from the Scouts.

With the gate closing behind us, we begin to make our way to Karanes District to begin the expedition towards Shiganshina.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to give a small heads-up, the next few chapters will be heavy plot chapters. They will be based on the Female Titan Arc from season 1 of the anime, but with slight differences. <3


	6. expedition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !! Spoiler Warning: Attack On Titan season 1 (Female Titan Arc) !!

We were now in Titan territory. For a short time, the formation works as planned and the operation runs smoothly. Jean and I are positioned at the left wing center while the rest of our squad is spread out throughout the formation.

We quietly ride besides each other the entire time, but the silence is surprisingly peaceful.

We hear the sound of flares from the right flank. In the sky, multiple lines of black flares are shot.

"Damn," I hear Jean curse under his breath. "An Abnormal."

We turn our heads back to the front, and in the distance, I could see a forest up ahead.

We don't get a change of direction of Erwin, and we charge straight towards it.

The center with Erwin, the carts, and the Special Operations Team, all headed through the forest. The left flank begin to wrap the perimeter and a relay person approaches us.

He gives commands to Jean, and Jean repeats them to the soldiers of the left flank.

"We are to stop here. Everyone tie your horses up, we are switching to ODM. Head up the trees and do not let any Titan get in."

"Yes, sir!" they yell in unison before beginning to grapple up the trees.

"You and I are needed in the forest," Jean says from besides me.

I give him a nod as I shoot my grapple into the forest and head towards the center, Jean following close behind me.

Landing on a tree branch, I look down below. There, the special target restraining system is set up. They were big barrels on both sides with a ton of steel harpoons within them. Commander Erwin and another captain in a conversation across from us.

They must be trying to trap the Abnormal. But why?

And then I heard it.

The sound of horses and the stomping of a Titan getting louder and louder. Down on the path, Captain Levi, his squad, and Eren sprint through on horseback, followed closely behind by the Titan.

The Titan is bigger than any other one I have encountered. It had short blonde hair with pale blue eyes, and its physique resembled that of a female.

It walks right into the Commander's trap and the noise of the barrel firing its arrowhead wires fills the forest. The harpoons pierce into the Female Titan skin, immobilizing it. Its hand was outstretched to behind its neck, protecting its nape.

Then I realized.

This isn't just an Abnormal. It has intelligence. This is a titan-shifting human, just like Eren.

As if he could read my mind, Jean spoke out.

"Erwin must've made us come here to identify the human inside the Titan."

We watch as Captain Levi lands on its head. He says something to the Titan, but it is inaudible from the tall tree we stood on. We stood there on the branch in silence, waiting for our next command from Erwin.

"So," Jean says from behind me and I turn to face him. He hesitates before speaking.

"Are we going to talk about what happened last night?"

I widen my eyes.

You have got to be kidding me.

I originally planned on discussing our 'moment' when we returned back after the mission, but I guess we were doing this now.

"It was a mistake, on both our parts," I start bluntly, forcing my eyes up to look at him.

"It was unprofessional of us and wrong. We should just forget it ever happened."

I slowly outstretch my hand towards him. "Deal?"

He hesitates as he thinks to himself for a second. But then, he reaches out his hand, putting it into mine.

The feeling of butterflies erupt in my stomach again the second his hand touched mine.

"Fine," Jean says. "De--"

He gets cut off by a piercing scream. We automatically bring our hands up, covering our ears from the loud sound.

The scream had come from the Female Titan.

"Shit, that scared me."

"Be quiet."

I turn to glare at Jean.

"Wh--"

"I said be quiet." He put his finger up in front of my face to shut me up.

I look at him with annoyance before I realize why he had told me to be quiet. In the distance, we could hear the sound of Titans approaching from all directions.

"TITANS!" I yell out. The Scouts on the forest floor heard and grapple to safety before the first Titans enter the area.

But the Titans did not go for us. Instead, they go straight to the trapped Female Titan.

They begin to eat it.

Erwin lets out a yell of attack and we jump off the branch in response, our blades out and ready. Sending my grapple into the head of a Titan, I let out a yell before slicing its nape in one fluid movement. Using my gas and grapples, I fly towards another Titan, slicing my blades though its nape as its lifeless body falls to the floor. I manage to kill one more Titan before the Commander calls for us to fall back.

Grappling back to the tree, I prop myself up with my feet planted against the trunk. We watch as the Titans eat away at the decaying corpse. Cursing under my breath, I pull myself up the tree and land back down next to Jean who got there before me.

"Dammit, they ate it. Now there's no way for us to know who the Titan is," I hear him say.

"The person escaped. They must've."

There was no way the Female Titan would give up that easily. They most likely escaped while everyone was busy with the smaller Titans.

After the Commander gives us our commands, Jean and I begin heading back towards our group who guarded the perimeter of the forest. After all the corpses were picked up and loaded onto the wagons, we would begin retreating back to Calaneth District.

It took us much longer than expected to get back. We were finally nearing Wall Rose, the gate of Calaneth District in the distance.

The Female Titan had escaped like I had predicted, and attempted to get Eren. I heard that the entire Levi Squad of elite scouts died fighting against the Female Titan. Mikasa and Levi manage to save Eren just in time, barely escaping.

And during a rest stop, a Scout carrying the corpse of his friend led a group of Titans towards us. Because of it, we were forced to dump the bodies of our dead comrades.

The gate finally opens, and we start to walk though the District. The townspeople lined the sides, awaiting our arrival only to be left with disappointment.

The 57th expedition failed.

I keep my head down as I hear the people insulted us from the sides.

To them, we were a waste of their tax money.

To me, they were a bunch of cowards.

They never had to seen a Titan face-to-face. To see the horrors. To see their comrades be killed in front of them and have no choice but to continue fighting, or die. To lose your entire sense of purpose as every mission fails back to back. To lose hope for the future of humanity.

Losing someone who travelled beyond the walls is one thing.

But the terror of witnessing your loved one, your comrades and friends, being killed right in front of you by the Titans is a terror that remains with you for the rest of your life.

\---

It has been two days since the failed expedition. Since many Scouts were injured, including Miles from our squad, all Survey Corps activity would be halted for the next couple of days. Eren would soon be back into the Military Police's custody.

The Commander had called an unexpected meeting with the uninjured Captains and higher-ups. Once everyone was seated in the meeting room, Erwin begins the meeting.

The identity of the Female Titan has been discovered.

Annie Leonhart.

She is apart of the Military Police and would be in District Stohess, the eastern city of the innermost wall, Wall Sina. Erwin discusses his plan that would commence the next morning.

Eren would be taken into Wall Sina and the Military Police's job, which included Annie Leonhart, is to escort the Scout Regiment through Stohess District. Eren would be used as bait, and Armin would lead her towards the underground tunnel to limit her ability to turn into a Titan. There, a squad of Scouts would await them to capture Annie. There would also be Scouts disguised as civilians and Scouts hidden on the roofs, leaving her with no where to run.

Jean and I would be the only ones in our squad who would participate in this attack.

After changing into a sweatshirt and brown shorts, I climb out onto the roof. Ever since the expedition, I have found myself spending more and more of my nights on the roof under the moonlight.

I look up as my thoughts consumed me.

Even though Jean and I agreed to act as if our kiss never happened, things were still awkward between us. The tension is strong and I try to ignore it, but it's close to impossible. That moment in the kitchen still hasn't left my mind.

If the glass hadn't fallen, we probably would've...

I stop myself before I could finish my thought.

We can't.

If we slept together, it would make everything ten times worse.

The pleasure we could get from each other did not outweigh the hard truth.

It would throw professionalism out the window. Who knows what would happen if Erwin and the others found out.

The possibility of being demoted outweighed it all.

I couldn't risk losing this position. I worked too hard to get here to let it all be wasted for a man.

Letting out a frustrated sigh as I look at the stars one last time, I get up and make my way back through the window.

I head to bed early that night, preparing myself for the big battle.

The Assault on Stohess.


	7. assault

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !! Spoiler Warning: Attack On Titan season 1 (Female Titan Arc) !!

Me and the other Scouts wait on the roof, overlooking the scene that unfolded in front of us.

Armin successfully managed to convince Annie to help them escape, and we watch as they head towards the underground tunnel.

Armin, Mikasa, and Eren begin heading down, but Annie doesn't follow.

They begin talking, but we couldn't make out their words from the rooftops.

Something is wrong.

I look over to Jean who was next to me, and I could tell by the look on his face that he thought the same thing.

A few minutes pass before Annie lets out a laugh, echoing through the empty street.

Then there it was. The green signal flare.

The Scouts disguised as civilians begin charging towards Annie, coming at her from all directions. She is cornered. The Scouts grab her and restrict her arms, preventing her from transforming into a Titan.

Suddenly, the yellow light blinds us and we hear the sound of lighting striking the ground where Annie stood. The Scouts who had grabbed her are blown away on impact, many of them killed and unconscious.

Annie somehow managed to transform. Her Titan stood tall, towering over all the buildings in Stohess. We stare in shock as we watch her stomp holes in the tunnel where a squad of Scouts and Armin's group are.

We jump off the building and charge for the Female Titan, initiating Plan B.

She swings her arms at us, grabbing the wires and killing our soldiers left and right.

I manage to swing past her, grappling and using gas to wrap around her arm. Letting out a yell, I pierce my blades into her right arm, dragging it through and around her arm. Before her left arm could come up and grab my wire, I grapple back and try to make space between us. I watch as her ice blue eyes stare at me, her blood on my blades.

In one quick motion, she manages to grab my wire from behind, pulling me and throwing me onto the roof of a building. My body rolls a couple feet and I begin to feel a sharp pain in my head as I try my best to not lose conscious. I turn on my hands and knees as I tried to recover, coughing. I could feel my blood dripping from the side of my forehead.

"Iris!" I hear from behind.

Jean grapples over to me and kneels down, trying to stand me up. He wraps his arm around me and my waist so I wouldn't fall over. He begins leading me away from the Titan. Realizing what he was doing, I shrug his arms off of me.

"Iris! What are you doing?"

"We have to fight," I reply as I turn back towards the battle.

"You're injured!" I hear him call out, running up to me.

I bring my arm up to my forehead, wiping the blood with the back of my hand.

"I'm fine." I meet his eyes, giving him a glare. I know he thinks I was too hurt to keep fighting by the look he had on his face.

But I know I wasn't. I could handle more than he thinks.

"We have to find Eren."

I scan the area where the staircase to the underground tunnel once stood. Debris is what's left behind.

I spot Armin and begin to make my way towards him with Jean directly behind me.

"Armin!"

We run up to him and notice Eren under a pile of debris. A wooden stake is pierced though his body as he lies there, bleeding out.

"Jean! Iris! Help me get Eren out!" Armin yells.

We begin to lift the debris but some parts were too heavy for us to lift on our own.

"Enough of your bullshit, Eren!" I hear Jean yell as he looks down at Eren, who's eyes were only half way open.

"Did I or did I not tell you this day would eventually come? Our fate is in your hands. We are out there putting our lives on the line, and this is all we can expect from our last best hope?" Jean says angrily. Eren only gives him a blank stare.

"Is this what Marco--"

"What he--," he pauses.

"Damn it! Leave him! We can't do anything until we take care of the Female Titan!"

Jean storms out as I follow close behind him. We fly though the streets to catch up to the Female Titan before Jean tells me his plan.

"Iris! We need to distract her and lead her to the trap up ahead!"

"On it!"

I retract both my grapples back and land on the floor next to the Titan. I yell out to her, trying to grab her attention. She turns and her blue eyes lock onto mine as Jean jumps up from behind. Letting out a yell, he aims for her nape, but her hardening ability causes his blades to break in half. He quickly manages to turn and starts flying in the other direction.

"Iris, this way!" Jean calls out to me.

Now with her attention on Jean, I sprint while sending my grapples up, and I maneuver myself back around her to get to Jean. Jean and I begin to make our way towards the trap with her chasing behind us as we manage to barely dodge all her attempts to grab us.

We soar past the trap with the Female Titan behind us as Hange and their squad fired the retraining weapons. The Female Titan falls to the floor with her hand covering her nape and the squad sets a net over her, restricting her movement.

Jean and I land on a building further ahead as we stop to catch our breaths. My head is pounding and I could barely stand straight, but I simply ignore the pain.

Within only five minutes, the Female Titan manages to escape the trap. We stare in disbelief as she swings her legs, killing a couple of the soldiers and destroying the restraining weapons.

Suddenly, the same yellow light and lighting struck from behind her.

Eren.

He must've finally transformed.

We watch as Eren's Titan runs up behind the Female Titan and punch her, sending her flying onto a building. Eren charges at her again but she dodges him and begins leading him to the center of Stohess District where there are no buildings.

Annie knew what she was doing. By moving to flat land, ODM gear is useless. It would only be a fight against her and Eren.

After catching our breath, Jean and I begin to follow the fight. We land next to Mikasa, Hange, Moblit, and Armin as we watch the battle unfold.

Eren had gone completely feral.

Annie, severally beat up, begins to make a run for the wall, hardening her fingertips to climb up.

"She's going to escape!" Hange says as Mikasa jumps off the roof, grappling towards the Female Titan.

Mikasa, skillfully using her ODM gear, moves above Annie and slices her fingers off. Annie falls back to the floor where Eren begins to beat her again. He sends her head flying across Stohess and reaches down to bite her nape. Eren suddenly freezes as Annie's body emerges from her Titan.

All of a sudden, there is a flash of blue light from Annie. By the time we turned back, she had enclosed herself in an impenetrable crystal. Levi comes down from above, slicing the nape of Eren's Titan, and he pulls him free before he could eat Annie.

The battle was finally over. The town of Stohess was absolutely destroyed. Many soldiers had died, and some civilians were caught in the crossfire. But despite it all, this victory returned that sense of hope that we had previously lost.

We are finally one step closer to finding out the truth.


	8. tensions

When I open my eyes, I was no longer in Stohess District. Slowly raising myself to sit up, I tiredly squint to see my surroundings.

I was on the couch in the living room. The fire in the fireplace cracked and popped from besides me, keeping me warm. I look down to see a blanket that covered me. I am still wearing my scouts uniform. Confused, I hear footsteps approaching me from the kitchen.

"Iris."

It was Jean. He was holding a cup of tea in his hand. I watch him as he sits next to me on the couch, handing me the cup.

I mumble out a 'thanks' and take a sip, letting the jasmine tea warm my throat.

"What happened? I don't remember getting here after the fight at Stohess," I ask.

"After the battle, you kind of passed out. You probably hit your head too hard," he answers while trying to hide his laugh.

I punch him in the arm.

He winces and begins rubbing his arm where I had punched him.

"What was that for?"

"For being a dick," I say with a small smile on my face. He smiles back, rolling his eyes.

"How long have I been out for?" I finally ask.

"Like three hours. I tried waking you up when we got back but you were out cold. You really made me carry you in here," he says while putting his hands up behind his head.

"Is that a bad thing?" I respond blankly, threatening him to continue.

He laughs sheepishly, ignoring my question.

I would normally try to pry the answer out of him but my head was still pounding.

Damn, how hard did I hit my head?

Jean gets up from besides me, leaving me on the couch alone. He walks back with a wet rag and small bowl filled with water. I watch him curiously as he kneels in front of me, lightly dipping the rag into the water.

"Stay still." I watch him as he grabs my arm to hold me still and he brings the wet cloth up to my forehead, touching the spot where I had bled from.

I wince as he begins to softly dab the rag on my forehead and clean my cut. His eyebrows were furrowed as he cleaned me, his eyes sincere and gentle as he worked.

"There. All clean," he says while getting up again to put the now bloody rag and water bowl away.

He returns back and stands behind me, his hands placed on the top of the couch.

"The nurse says you need to rest for a day or two so try to get some sleep."

I turn my head towards him.

"Thats unnecessary. I'll be fine," I answer back and I attempt to stand.

I immediately regret it as the room starts to spin, but I refuse to show it.

Jean gives me a concerned look as he rushes to my side to help me. I swat his arms away, sending him a glare, before slowly making my way to my room.

Out of no where, I get lifted off the ground. My eyes widen as I realize that Jean had swooped me up in his arms. He carries me towards my bed. He softly places me down, and all I could do is stare at him.

"Rest. That's an order."

I scoff. "You've got to be kidding me."

"I'm serious, Iris. You need to rest."

"I'm not a baby. I can take care of myself. I already said I'm fine," I reply.

He gives me a hard look. "You literally almost died in Stohess."

"But I'm alive, aren't I?" I immediately rebuttal.

His face shifts from concern to anger. He turns his head to the side while pinching the bridge of his nose. He lets out a sigh and mumbles something under his breath, but it was too quiet for me to hear.

"As your Captain, I am ordering you to rest. Don't make me punish you."

"Oh yeah?" I bring my eyes to meet his as we both look at each other, neither of us breaking eye contact.

"And what are you going to do to stop me?" I say, challengingly.

He walks towards me and bends down over me so we are eye-level. His left hand grabs the headboard behind me, and he places his right arm on my bed next to my thigh to support himself. Our faces were only inches apart, his eyes dark again.

The butterflies were back.

"Disobey me and I won't hesitate to tie you to the bed. Got it?" His voice gets deep as he says this, sending shivers throughout my body.

Dirty thoughts fill my mind, and it took every ounce in my body to not blush at his words.

Fuck. I shouldn't be turned on right now.

When I don't say a word, Jean begins to back up, turning to leave my room. He stops when he reaches my doorframe and he turns back to look at me, a smirk plastered on his face.

"Be a good girl for me."

His footsteps get further and further until I hear the front door open and close.

I just sit there with my mouth ajar, unable to process what just happened.

Just when I thought we were back to having a professional relationship, of course this happens.

Our first kiss in the kitchen that one night was always on my mind, no matter how hard I try to forget it.

And now this...

I lie down as I ponder to myself.

I have always found Jean attractive, even though he was an asshole when we first met. Weirdly enough, I kind of liked his confidence even if it comes off as cocky sometimes. A conversation with him was never a boring one. Whether it was of us arguing, teasing each other, or actually being nice to each other, it was never dull.

I always took our teasing as light-hearted jokes. But ever since that kiss, I began to question everything.

Does he even like me like that? There's just no way.

I knew I had an effect on him ever since our first sparring session and that one time in the office. He would tense and freeze under my touch. Not to mention, he was the one who initiated the kiss in the kitchen.

Usually with men, they are very easy to read. I could see right through them.

But with Jean, I could never tell what goes through his mind.

\---

Jean Kirstein POV:

I grab two dinners from the cafeteria and begin to walk back before I heard my name being called.

"Jean!"

It was Connie. He wildly waves his hand at me, motioning me to come join them. Sasha sat across from him with bread crumbs all over her face. Letting out a sigh, I begin to make my way towards them and take a seat next to Connie.

"Where have you been recently?"

"Yeah, we used to hang out in the cafeteria all the time," Sasha pipes in.

"Sorry guys, I've been busy ever since I got promoted. I'll be around more often though."

"Sooooo," Sasha begins, taking a bite of her bread before resuming.

"How'd the mission in Stohess go? I heard you guys captured the Female Titan."

"Yeah, we did. A lot of people were killed and injured but we now have Annie. Hopefully, we can get some answers from her," I say as I begin to eat my meal.

"Where's Iris? I haven't seen her around recently."

I slightly tense at the mention of her name.

"She got hurt and hit her head. But all she needs is do is rest. She'll be fine."

They stop talking, and I look up to their faces. Connie and Sasha send each other a weird look, communicating in their weird telepathic language.

"What's with the face?" I ask, irritated.

A smile cracks onto their faces as they both look at me. Connie nudges me with his elbow as if he was trying to tell me something. I slap his arm away and just stare at them with a confused expression on my face. Connie finally speaks.

"What do you think of Iris so far?"

My eyes snap up to meet Connie's.

What are these idiots trying to get at?

"She's annoying sometimes, but she's a good Co-Captain," I answer carefully.

Sasha and Connie give each other that weird look again. Their faces looked like they were trying to hold in a fart.

"Well, what's so good about her?" Sasha asks, with a smile on her face. Her mouth still had bread crumbs all over it.

They are acting so strange.

"Iris is--" I pause myself. I finally realize what they were trying to do.

My eyes flicker between them as they waited for me to go on.

"Why are you guys asking me so much about Iris?"

"Becauseeeee," Sasha says, her smile growing wider.

"Spit it out."

This causes Sasha to let out a full-blown laugh. Everyone in the cafeteria stares at her as she laughs to herself, banging her fist on the table like she just heard the funniest joke of her life. Connie looks like he was about to lose it too.

I grab the bread from my plate and stuff it into Sasha's mouth. She stops laughing and changes her focus to the bread, beginning to eat it.

"Jean, you don't have to pretend around us." Connie sends me a look. "We know."

I look towards Sasha in confusion, and she just aggressively nods her head, the bread still in her mouth.

I scoff. "Know what?"

"Captain, do you want me to say it here? Out loud?" Connie teasingly questions from besides me.

I give him a hard glare.

I am going to murder him in 3... 2...

"Fine, Fine, Fine," Connie says frantically, noticing my stare.

He leans towards me, and he puts his hand around his mouth as if he was about to tell me a secret.

"We know you got the hots for Captain Iris."

I snap my eyes towards him, as my eyes widen.

"Connie, what the hell are you talking about."

"You know," he trails off, nudging me with his elbow again and suggestively raising his eyebrows at me.

This time, I shove him. Connie lets out a grunt as he hits the floor. Sasha was too focused on her food to even notice.

"Ow! What was that for?" Connie says as he lies on the floor.

I ignore him and finish the rest of my meal.

"I mean," Sasha pipes in. "You didn't deny it..."

"Hey!" Sasha yells as I pull the piece of bread from her hand. I throw it hard at Connie, hitting him right on the forehead.

Sasha rushes out of her seat, running to Connie's side. He outstretches his hand, waiting for Sasha to help him up. Instead, she snatches the bread from off the floor before returning to her seat. Groaning, Connie finally brings himself off the floor, sitting back next to me.

We sit in silence for a couple minutes before Connie spoke again.

"So... you and Iris, huh?" He sends me a nervously look, hoping I wouldn't punch him in the face.

"I have no idea what you guys are talking about. We are comrades. That's it."

"Oh come on," Connie says, swinging his arm behind my shoulders.

"We can easily tell by the way you look at her. And by the way you react every time someone mentions her name. It's quite obvious. You didn't even act this bad about Mikasa."

I freeze at the mention of her name.

Connie and Sasha are my best friends. We met as cadets in training, and we quickly became very close. Everyone knew us as a trio; we were inseparable. All the cadets at the training camp knew I had a crush on Mikasa. After all, I made it very obvious. But after every attempt to spark her interest in me, she simply wasn't. She loved that Eren boy too much. It's been years since then and my crush for Mikasa has faded, but I still wish the best for her, even if it isn't with me.

"Every time we are around you two during training, you could literally feel the tension," Sasha adds on, chewing on a fourth piece of bread.

I look back towards Connie, and he nods his head in agreement.

"Whatever. I'm going to go now," I say while standing up. I pick up Iris's tray of food to bring to her.

Sasha and Connie give me a knowing look before we say our goodbyes.

On the way back to our room, I thought to myself.

All that seemed to be on my mind was that kiss. I still remember the way her lips felt on mine, the way she let out a soft moan when I kissed her neck. I think about it very often, but we both agreed to pretend as if it didn't happen to not make things awkward between us.

And the fact that I want to kiss her, to touch her, every time I see her, doesn't make it any better.

I walk into the room, spotting her on the couch reading a book. She was no longer in her Scout uniform. Iris wore a white camisole with brown shorts, her silky legs on display.

Shit. I'm down bad.

She hears me walking towards her and looks from her page.

"Eat." I hand her the tray and she takes it, placing it on her lap.

"Thanks," she replies before eating a spoonful of the soup. Her eyebrows furrow in confusion.

"Did they not give bread?"

"Sasha probably took it."

"Of course she did," she says with a small smile on her face.

I leave to go to the bathroom and go to take off my jacket and straps and harness. By the time I walk back into the living room, Iris had already finish eating. I sit down on the couch besides her, letting out a sigh.

"You okay?" she asks, looking in my direction.

"I'm just tired. I've been thinking a lot."

"Same."

We watch as the fire danced in the fireplace, occasionally filling the room with its cracking and popping.

"So," she begins. "What has been on your mind?"

I hesitate before answering.

"Just... stuff. It's complicated."

She turns her body to face me.

"Well, are you going to go into detail?"

I look at her as she waits for my response.

Do I just do it?

If this backfires, it would making everything between us ten times more awkward.

But you know what. Fuck it.

"The kiss."

The two words leave my mouth, and I see her slightly tense.

"Well," she whispers. "To be honest, I've been thinking about it too."

There was a pause before she spoke again.

"So, what are we going to do about it?"

We both sit in silence as we stare at each other, waiting for the other to do something.

"This," I say, breaking the silence, as my hands reach up to her face and I crash my lips onto hers.


	9. interruptions

Iris Winter's POV

The next thing I knew, his lips were on mine.

I did not expect Jean to actually kiss me, and it took me a couple seconds to process before I begin to kiss back.

We both had no idea what we were doing, but in the moment, it felt right. We both wanted something: each other. The amount of sexual tension between us is thick enough to be cut with a knife. It is almost as if we are magnetically drawn to each other. The second we touched or kissed, our sense of right and wrong completely disappears.

It did not matter that I am his Co-Captain and that Jean is my Captain.

All we know is that we want each other.

As our kiss begins to become more intense, I move my leg over him, straddling him. His left hand rests on my lower back, my back naturally arching into him. I wrap my arms around his neck as our tongues battle for dominance.

His hand slip down to grab the bottom of my shirt before pulling it off over my head, leaving me in my bra. I move my head down towards his neck, kissing, licking, and teasing him. I slowly kiss down his neck, with my hands in his hair, before sucking.

"Shit," he groans out.

After a while, he pulls me away from his neck, and he moves to kiss mine. He starts kissing my cheek before moving to my jawline, to my neck, then to my collar bone, placing wet kisses where ever he went. While he worked on my neck, I move my hands to start unbuttoning his shirt, one by one. Getting impatient, I end up ripping the rest of his shirt down, and I slip his shirt off his shoulders, exposing his chiseled abdomen. I feel him smirk against my neck.

"Someone's impatient," he teases, his hot breath touching my skin.

I ignore him as I begin to run my hands down his hard chest, feeling every inch of his muscles. I can feel him tense under my touch.

His hand goes up, grabbing me by the neck, and pulls my lips towards his. The pressure around my neck causes me to moan out in pleasure, and he kisses me even harder. Without even realizing, I begin to move on top of him. I softly roll my hips against him, and he lets out a deep groan, sending vibrations through my body. I could feel him rising under me, the pressure of him rubbing against my heat building up.

He breaks our kiss and using his teeth, he bites my bra strap, slipping it down my shoulder. He does the same to the other side and his hand begins to slowly creep up my back, nearing my bra clasp. His touch alone sends shivers up my spine.

But right before he could undo it, a loud knock comes from the front door. We both freeze, and the room fills with the sound of our heavy breathing, our foreheads pressed against each other.

"HELLO? IRIS, OPEN UP! IT'S HANGE! I HAVE SOMETHING TO SHOW YOU!"

Our eyes widen, and we both curse under our breath before I climb off of him and go to grab my shirt.

What is so important for Hange to come to our room this late at night?

I put it back on, and I notice Jean beginning to redo his shirt, buttoning it back up. Hange is still knocking on the door. Once we both looked presentable enough, I go to open the door.

"Hello, Iris!" Hange walks straight past me into our room.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, hiding my expression, hoping they wouldn't notice anything.

"Well, for two things. First, I wanted to check up on you because you passed out after Stohess."

They begin to observe me, looking me up and down.

"Are you okay? You look out of breath and your face is all red."

My eyes immediately widen, and I can feel Jean's gaze on me.

Shit.

"I'm fine. It's just a little hot in here," I answer nervously.

Hange gives me a look. They know I am lying. Hange has always been good at reading people. I don't tend to show much emotion or share much about myself, but Hange always sees straight through my lies. I rarely ever hide anything from them.

"Okay..." they says with suspicion as they turn towards Jean who was standing near the couch to the right of us.

This is so bad.

"Oh, hello Jean-boy."

Jean scowls at his nickname. "Hange."

Silence fills the room. I watch as Hange flicker their eyes between Jean and I.

He barely made an attempt to hide anything. He just stood there, acting normal, but his hair was still messy from my hands running through it. The bottom of his shirt was left undone since I ripped the buttons off. There were red marks starting to form on his neck from where I kissed him.

I move my eyes lower, and they widen at the tent in his pants. He looked like he was about to break through his pants any second from now. Luckily, his crotch was covered by the couch so Hange couldn't see it. But, it's almost as if he wanted Hange to notice.

We are totally screwed.

"...Did I interrupt something? You two are acting strange."

"No! Not at all," I quickly respond, shaking my head.

I need to change the topic before Hange catches on.

"So as you can see, I'm fine. I'm awake now, and my headache has gone down. What was the second thing you wanted to talk to me about?"

Hange's eyes light up. They squeal and laugh excitedly as they squeeze my arm, shaking it. I just stare at them with confusion.

"Get a jacket or something. I want to show you something exciting!"

I raise an eyebrow at Hange. "Right now?"

"Yes!" they say, putting their hands together.

I groan before quickly running into my room and grabbing a random jacket.

"Fine, but hurry. I'm tired," I say as I walk back towards them.

"Deal! Let's go!" they grab my hand, intertwining our fingers, as they lead me outside. The door closes behind us, leaving Jean alone in our room.

Hange sprints down the halls as I try to keep up with them. The courtyard is completely empty, only lit up by the torches and lanterns.

After turning a few corners, we finally get there.

It was dark, but I could still see the scene under the moonlight. There were wooden beams and harpoons pinning something down. It was a Titan, its movement restricted. It had to at least be five meters tall. It had short black hair and deep green eyes. In front of it was two white tents.

I watch as Hange falls to their hands and knees, crying tears of joy.

"Look! We got a new titan!" they say, completely mesmerized.

Hange always had this weird obsession with the Titans. They were so interested in them and always wanted to conduct experiments on the Titans. After the 57th expedition, the Scout Regiment managed to capture two Titans who Hange named Sawney and Beane. They were killed shortly after by Annie, and Hange cried for days.

Although I did not understand their obsession, I still always listened to them ramble and come up with theories. I loved watching their eyes light up with joy as they talked about their passion. Their excitement and hope was something I always admired about Hange. Something I wish I had more of.

"You better make sure this one lives. I don't think I could go through all that crying again," I say teasingly.

They playfully slap my arm. "Of course. This time, I'm sleeping out here so I can watch it 24/7."

"What? Hange, no. That is too unsafe."

They rolls their eyes. "Stop, I'll be fine. You're starting to sound like Moblit."

I let out a loud laugh. Moblit has always been very protective of Hange. It's cute.

"So what's its name?" I ask, nodding my head towards the Titan.

They thought to themselves before answering, sending me a wide grin. "In memory of Sawney and Beane, how does Alexander sound?"

After they gave me a tour of their tent and talking for a bit, we finally say our goodbyes, and I begin to head back to my room. Resting my hand on the golden knob, I prayed that Jean was asleep. I did not want to face him, especially right now. I just want to sleep. Taking a deep breath, I slowly turn the knob, and quietly walk into the room.

The lights were off, and I let out a breath of relief. I carefully head back to my room and head straight to bed. I fall asleep the second my head hits the pillow.


	10. red

It's been two days.

And I somehow manage to avoid Jean ever since our second kiss.

I have been spending my time sparring with Vera and hanging out with Hange while they conducted their experiments on Alexander. They both still didn't know about what happened between Jean and I, and I planned on keeping it that way. Hopefully, if I avoid him enough, we can eventually move forward and forget it ever happened.

No one would have to know.

"So," Vera starts as we sat on the ground, trying to catch our breath. "Same time tomorrow?"

"I can't spar tomorrow. I have my squad's dinner," I reply, pulling the ribbon from my hair and letting it down.

Unfortunately, tomorrow is our squad's first bonding dinner. It was a tradition that the Scouts have. The idea was proposed by Hange to the Commander a year ago. They thought it would be fun for every squad to have a designated bonding time since it would help with teamwork and communication on missions. Now, squad bondings are required for every squad at least once every month.

So much for trying to ignore Jean. Hopefully, it won't be too awkward.

The rest of the afternoon flew by and the next thing I knew, it is already the next day.

It was almost time for when we agreed to meet, and I begin to head towards the outdoor table on the outside of the dining hall.

Otto, Sasha, and Connie are already there, and they wave a 'hello.' Otto had offered to do the cooking and meal preparation with the help of Sasha. I had no idea why Connie was there too, but I could only assume it was to watch Sasha and make sure she didn't eat everything before everyone could get there.

"Is everything ready?"

Otto looks up from the plate he was garnishing, giving me a grin. "Almost."

Most of the food had already been set on the table. Otto made a special potato soup with bacon bits and with toasted bread on the side.

"This looks delicious guys. Good job," I say, giving them a soft smile which they return.

Miles shows up shortly after. We are now all here except for Jean.

"Where's Jean?" Connie asks as he takes his first bite of the food. They all turn to me, waiting for an answer.

I shrug. "I'm not sure."

I hear footsteps approaching from behind me.

Speaking of the devil.

Jean walks up, greeting everyone, and takes the empty seat to the right of me. I ignore him and begin to eat the food.

The dinner went by smoothly. Although sometimes Connie can be a dimwit, he never fails to make us laugh. And Sasha was Sasha. I couldn't even keep track of how many rounds of food she ate. I don't know much about Otto and Miles, but they were very kind-hearted people; they were the embodiment of a warm hug. Jean bickers with Connie and Sasha as usual.

That night, we manage to avoid any awkward moments, but I could see Jean sneaking glances at me from the corner of my eye. I ignore them.

I get up, ready to help Miles clean up, when Jean grabs my wrist.

"I need to talk to you."

He did not give me any time to react when he leads me into the empty dining hall, closing the door for privacy.

"What the hell was that?" I say, glaring at him.

"We need to talk." Jean finally releases my wrist.

"About?"

Please don't be about the kiss. Please don't be about the kiss. Please don't–

"Why are you ignoring me?"

I look up at him to meet his eyes.

"Pfft," I start, hiding my nervousness. "I'm not ignoring you."

Lies.

He doesn't say anything. He looks at me as if he was trying to read my expression.

"Don't lie to me."

I roll my eyes. "I'm not ignoring you. Have you maybe considered the fact that some just people don't like you?"

My eyes widen when I realized the sentence that just came out of my mouth. I didn't mean to let that slip out. His face contorts to an unfamiliar expression.

Shit. I made him mad.

"Well, it didn't seen that way when you were on top of me, kissing me, a couple days ago," he says with his voice low.

My jaw drops in shock at his words.

There's no way he just said that.

I let out a scoff. "Wow, you really are an asshole."

I turn to leave but Jean grabs my wrist again, pulling me back towards him.

I send him a hard glare. "Let go."

"Not until you tell me why you're ignoring me," he says with a scowl, his hand still locked around my wrist.

"So what if I am?" I challenge him.

"What are you going to do about it, Jean?"

"You can't be a good captain if you keep this up, Iris. What are you going to do? Ignore me for the rest of your life? If you refuse to cooperate with me, I will have no choice but to report it to Erwin and I'm sure you wouldn't want that," he says threateningly.

I am fuming, and all I see is red. I forcefully pull my hand free from his grip. I give him a bitter laugh before bringing my eyes up to his.

"Go fuck yourself."

I turn to leave and head straight for the door before Jean could try to stop me again. Connie was strangling Sasha, trying to get the last of the bread out of her mouth, but they both freeze when I slam the door behind me.

I can't deal with this right now.

They stare at me with wide eyes as I walk past, making my way back to my room.

I just need to sleep it off.

It feels like I've been staring at the ceiling for hours. I was too mad to even fall asleep. It must be well past midnight by now.

Letting out a frustrated sigh, I get up from my bed and head towards my window. I open it as quietly as I could, and after grabbing a blanket to keep me warm, I climb out onto the roof.

It was peaceful. It was silent except for the chirping of crickets, and the stars shone brightly as usual. I lean back as I close my eyes, enjoying the feeling of the cool wind caressing my face. Although it was freezing, the wind was unusually comforting.

I was still mad at Jean. I admit, I said some harsh things, but I didn't regret them.

I didn't even think it was possible for someone to have that inflated of an ego while still being a complete nuisance.

Although we had bad first impressions of each other, I truly thought Jean wasn't all that bad after we spent a week bonding together. But I guess my gut is never wrong.

My thoughts wander further.

We have kissed twice? Three times now? I've lost count.

I don't know how we messed up so badly, but it needs to be fixed. It is like we were stuck in a weird time loop.

Irritation. Fights. Warming up. Kiss. Awkward. Ignore. Repeat.

We can't afford to keep making the same mistakes.

I sit there as I tried to come up with a potential solution, but nothing comes to mind. I let out a groan of irritation.

I know that both of us want this position badly, and we both worked hard to get here. So, we both have no choice but to work together. For the sake of the squad.

We wouldn't let personal circumstances interfere with our duties. We couldn't.

\---

"Iris! Vera!" Connie calls out. We send them a small smile as Connie and Sasha take the seat in front of Vera and I.

"How are you today, Captain?" Sasha asks, taking a big bite out of her potato.

"I'm doing fine. Today's been a pretty calm day."

Sasha and Connie send each other a look before Connie speaks.

"What happened yesterday after dinner? You looked pissed after Jean and you talked in the dining hall," he asks, cautiously.

God.

"We just had a..." I trail off as I try to find the right word, "a disagreement. It's nothing to worry about."

Connie gives me a nod, and we continue eating in silence.

Sasha nudges Connie with her elbow, and Connie gives her a glare. Vera and I look towards each other, both of us confused. He clears his throat, grabbing our attention.

"Well," he starts. "What do you think of Jean so far, Iris?"

I narrow my eyes at him, trying to figure out their scheme. I understand that they were Jean's best friends, but it was weird that they were asking me about him out of the blue. But, I didn't look deep into it.

"If I'm being honest, I have no idea how you guys put up with him," I say lightheartedly.

They had an unreadable expression on their faces.

"Well, he isn't that bad once you get to know him. Jean can be a stubborn guy, sometimes stuck-up. It just takes a while," Connie responds, watching my expression.

"So..." he adds. "Does that mean you hate him?"

I think carefully before answering.

"I wouldn't say 'hate'. But definitely irritating," I say, stabbing into my potato with my fork.

Connie and Sasha gave each other that weird look again as if they were somehow communicating. Vera just sat besides me in silence, observing our conversation, her eyes flickering between Connie and Sasha and I.

"What did he do to irritate you?" Sasha looks at me with wide eyes, anticipating my answer.

They're acting so weird.

"Just things. I don't really feel like going into detail, to be honest," I answer, hoping they would drop it.

The last thing I wanted to think about right now was about him.

I abruptly stand up and grab my empty tray. "It's been fun, but I have to go now guys."

We say our goodbyes, and I walk out the dining hall as their eyes follow behind me.


	11. cycle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !! Spoiler Warning: Attack on Titan season 2 (Clash of the Titans Arc) !!

The past seven days was eventful for the Scout Regiment. Titans somehow managed to make their way into Wall Rose, but a breach in the wall was not found. Three of our own Scouts proved themselves to be Titans, two of them being the same Titans that breached Wall Maria and into Trost District.

Their names were Reiner Braun, Bertholdt Hoover, and Ymir.

They managed to kidnap Eren, and a combined military force was formed to rescue him. We were all on the verge of death when Eren somehow managed control the Titans, sending them away from us and towards the Armored Titan. We barely managed to escape.

More than half of the soldiers who went on the rescue mission died, and many of those who lived were severely injured. Luckily, I didn't get hurt.

Jean and I managed to avoid each other that entire week. I left for the mission early, along with a smaller group of scouts, while he stayed back in Trost with the main forces. However, when Erwin called for a rescue mission, Jean went and we saw each other for the first time, although he was blacked out the majority of the time.

-

I curse under my breath as I move to stand on top of my horse. I ready my blades before sending my grapples into the nape of a Titan who's back is facing me. Letting out a yell, I jump off and pull myself towards the Titan with my gas. I send my blades to the side, and I slice its nape in one fluid motion. The Titan falls to the floor, and Armin looks up at me with wide eyes while holding an unconscious Jean in his arms, Jean's face stained with his blood.

"Iris! Jean got hit by a Titan!" Armin yells out and I run closer towards them.

The Armored Titan had begun throwing Titans at us, and many of us were left without our horses. The lack of trees and high ground made ODM gear almost useless. Titans swarmed us everywhere, leaving us with no where to run.

There was no way for all of us to make it out alive.

"Titan!" Armin screams, pointing and waving his sword behind me. I turn my head and watch as a Titan begins to approach us. There is nothing we could do.

" We have to move back more!" I yell.

I help Armin drag Jean closer towards the trunk of the tree, further away from the Titan who is only an arm's length away from grabbing one of us.

Just when I thought we were done for, the Titan suddenly stands up straight. Our eyes widen as we watch the Titan, along with the others, begin to run in the other direction.

"What..." I say, bewildered.

Our eyes follow the masses of Titans as they begin to charge at and eat another Titan. They begin to devour a tall Titan with short blonde hair and an unsettling wide grin, human blood dripping from its mouth.

"Now's our chance!"

We both raise to our feet, using our bodies to support Jean, and call for our horses. We manage to herd three horses: Me and Jean on mine, Armin on his, and an extra horse. We begin to run to Eren and Mikasa who we spot in the distance. The Titans now turned their attention away from that grinning Titan, and they were now surrounding the Armored Titan and Bertholdt.

"Eren!" Armin calls out, tears forming in his eyes. "Get on! Hurry!"

Eren and Mikasa get on the third horse when Erwin yells out a command.

"FULL RETREAT!"

Taking advantage of the situation, we begin to retreat as fast as we could. The Armored Titan stops its pursuit towards us, allowing us to get away. The sun sets as we head back, Jean slowly beginning to regain conscious from behind me.

-

"Iris!" I turn my head, seeing Hange running up to me from down the hall. They stop when they reach me, putting their hands on their knees as they tried to catch their breath.

"Woah, Hange. Are you okay?" I ask, confused. They stand back up, and I notice a sparkle in their eye as they clap their hands together.

"We will be experimenting with Eren's Titan starting in two days!" they squeal excitedly.

I give them a look of confusion. Noticing this, Hange explains.

"Levi's squad, your squad, Moblit, and I will be camping out at a cottage in the next few days. I will be experimenting with Eren and his Titan hardening ability to see if we can use him to seal Wall Maria. We are moving to a cottage in order to keep the experiments hidden from the public."

After discussing more details, I head back to our room to inform Jean. Opening the door, my eyes widen when I notice him standing there, shirtless.

He must've just finished showering and was just about to put on his t-shirt when I walked in, his hair damp and his toned abdomen still showing.

I quickly turn around and close my eyes, erasing the picture from my mind, as I curse to myself.

Great.

"Sorry," I mumble out. I hear him let out a light chuckle from behind me.

Once he finished wearing his shirt, I turn back around and approach him.

"Did you hear about our upcoming mission?" I ask, leaning against the wall in front of him and propping my foot up.

"The one with Eren right? I heard about it from Connie."

I nod my head.

"Our squad will be going with Levi's squad and Hange and Moblit. We will be leaving for a cottage in two days, and we will be staying there for a while."

He gives me a firm nod, and we both stand there in silence.

Should I bring it up?

I probably shouldn't if he isn't going to bring it up.

But it's eating at me.

I swallow my pride and open my mouth to speak.

"I'm sorry."

We both look up at each other when we say those words in unison. Taking the moment, I speak first before he could.

"I said some harsh things the other day, and it was unprofessional of me. I shouldn't have lost my temper like that," I say, meeting his eyes. He stares back at me.

"Well, I wanted to say sorry too." He raises his hand, rubbing the back of his neck.

"I was acting like a jerk. It was wrong of me and isn't something a good captain would do."

He continues, "I also wanted to say thank you. For saving me out there."

"Armin was the one who technically saved you, but I guess I'll take the credit," I tease as I shrug my shoulders.

He gives me a smile and I return one back, silently accepting each other's apologies.

"Jean, we need to talk. Like seriously."

He lets outs hum while looking at me with curious eyes, his arms crossed.

I have always been a very blunt person so I didn't waste time by beating around the bush.

"We both can't deny the attraction we feel towards each other," I look up at him. "And I know you feel it too."

"So, we can't keep doing this. The kisses, the ignoring, the fights, and then for that cycle to just repeat again. That has to stop before we both get into deep shit."

I pause to let him process my words before continuing.

"It's been on my mind for a while, yet, I can't seem to come up with a solution," I say, letting out a sigh.

"How about you?"

Jean appeared to be deep in thought, almost hesitating on whether to say something.

"Well," he nervously starts, "I have thought of something..." His voice trails off.

I furrow my eyebrows at him. "What is it?"

Jean doesn't answer with words and only looks at me with an expression I couldn't read.

It takes me a while, but the realization hits me. He was giving me the same look another person had given to me before.

I finally understood what he was implying.

And surprisingly enough, I wasn't against the idea. After all, it's not like I've never done it before.

It shouldn't make much of a difference if it was Jean and I. Him being my Captain didn't matter.

Right?

I thought to myself a little bit longer, contemplating my options, before meeting his eyes. I finally made up my mind.

"One night?" I confirm quietly, almost coming out as a whisper. "Just to let it all out?"

I watch as he takes steps towards me, the corner of his lips curling up.

"One night."


	12. tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !! Mature Content / NSFW Warning !!

"One night."

I could only stare when Jean grips my jaw, bringing my gaze up. And in one quick motion, our lips touch. And I begin to kiss him back.

He pushes me back into the wall while I bring my arms up to wrap around his neck.

His lips feel heavenly. His lips were soft against mine, but his kisses were passionate and rough.

Just how I like it.

As our kiss quickly escalated, his large hands slide down my body, outlining every curve. His touch alone was enough to set my body on fire.

He gives my ass a squeeze before bringing his hand under my thigh, bringing my left leg up. I gasp when I feel him move ever closer to me, feeling his hard-on against my stomach. Taking this opportunity, he slips his tongue in my mouth, and I gladly welcome him.

I roll my hips against him and Jean lets out a low groan against my mouth.

"Shit," Jean says, breaking the kiss. We rest our foreheads against each other as we both gasp for air.

"Iris I--"

Before he could finish his sentence, I bring him back down towards me and crash my lips back into his.

Not leaving his lips, I reach down to his shirt and begin to unbutton it. Slipping his shirt off his broad shoulders, I slowly slide my hands down his bare chest. He feel Jean tense under my touch.

Suddenly, I feel him grind into me, causing a gasp to slip from my mouth.

"Jean," I breath out as he quickly moves to take off my shirt, throwing it off to the side.

His hands move down my waist and hips before undoing my pants, pulling them off. Desperation and pleasure taking over me, I grind my hips back into his and he does the same in response, still gripping onto my hips. Groans come from us, and I could already feel myself soaked at the core as the friction between us increased, our hips rolling into each other.

His hands move back down to lift me up and out of instinct, I wrap my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck to secure myself.

"Fuck," I breath out. My eyes roll back when Jean grinds himself even harder into me, rubbing himself against my core.

Jean's lips return to mine, kissing me hungrily. He moves from the wall, leading us to his bedroom without breaking our kiss. He gently drops me on his bed and gives me one last kiss on my lips before moving down my neck. My hands tangle in his hair as he kisses my skin, sending shivers of bliss up and down my entire body.

Using his elbows to prop himself up, he moves lower down to my chest as his other hand slides up my body. He unclips my bra with ease and takes one of my hardened nipples into his mouth, sucking gently. I let out a moan as he fondles with my other breast in his large hand. After a while, he switches and I arch my back up into him in response. A low chuckle leaves his lips, and I could feel him grinning against my skin.

I know he likes it when my body reacts to him. To his touch.

He had an effect on me and he loved it.

After one last gentle squeeze, he begins to kiss even further down, getting closer and closer to my already-dripping heat. He trails wet kisses dangerously slow down my stomach as he grips thighs, rubbing small circular motions with his thumbs. Jean looks up at me, holding eye contact, while I watch him bite onto my panties with his teeth before slowly bringing them down my legs.

Holy fuck.

I was ready to come right then and there.

"Open."

My body was on auto-pilot and my legs automatically obey. I spread my legs under his darken gaze, leaving my naked body on display for his hungry eyes. His eyes were darker than I've ever seen before.

"Good girl."

I feel butterflies erupt in my stomach at his words.

My eyes widen and a moan escapes my lips when I feel Jean's fingers begin to rub my slit, playing with my folds.

My core was throbbing for him. He keeps his other hand against my thigh, preventing me from closing them.

"So wet for me," he says in a low voice, giving me a cocky smirk before plunging his long finger into me.

I throw my head back as my heart continues to beat out of my chest. Jean pulls his finger back before plunging it back into my clit, and I couldn't help but to moan his name. The cocky smile on his face only grows wider.

I was totally feeding his ego but in the moment, I didn't care. I wanted him, needed him.

His finger begins to pump faster, his thumb rubbing circular motions against my opening. Another long finger enters me and my eyes flutter shut, enjoying the immense pleasure Jean was giving me. His fingers continue to skillfully pump in and out of me, and I could feel myself beginning to build up.

"Jean," I say breathlessly, my eyes rolling back. "I'm coming."

Suddenly, he stops.

I open my eyes to glare at him when I see him getting on his knees in front of my spread legs. With a flirty smirk on his face, he gives me a wink before kissing my inner thigh. He slowly kisses up my thigh before moving to the other. I uncomfortably squirm under him in impatience. His hands stay gripped onto my thighs as he continues to slowly torture me.

I let out a frustrated sigh before propping myself onto my elbows to look at him.

"Jean, if you d—"

I moan mid-sentence when I feel his tongue against my clit, licking me up and down. He lifts his head back up to meet my gaze, his eyes darkened with desire and a small smirk on his face.

"Someone's impatient," he teases. "I didn't know you wanted me this bad."

He was loving every second of this.

I considered getting up and slapping the stupid smirk off his face but before I could, his tongue flickers out, teasing my slit, before entering me. A loud moan comes from me as he continues to eat me out. My hand reaches out, grabbing onto his hair as his mouth moves against me.

Before I know it, his fingers thrust back into me. His free hand quickly moves to lift my leg, putting it over his shoulder, his tongue and fingers going even deeper into me.

I was a trembling mess.

His fingers and tongue relentlessly toy with my pussy, and I feel my core begin to build up again.

I breathlessly curse under my breath, wrapping my legs around his neck to bring him even closer. He groans against my core because of this, sending vibration throughout my body.

"Jean," I moan out, tugging slightly at his hair.

"I'm about to come," I manage to say in between breathes.

He feel him begin to pump and lick faster, and I let out a loud gasp.

"Come for me," he says huskily against my core.

And I come.

My back arches off the bed as I throw my head back, moaning. His head stays positioned there, lapping and drinking every last drop of me as I climax. My chest was heaving up and down as my legs trembled.

Jean finally removes himself from me, looking at me in the eye as he puts his fingers into his mouth, tasting me. He lets out a low hum of approval before wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

Oh my god.

His fingers collect the last of my juices from my clit, and he brings it up to my face.

"Open."

I open my mouth on command, and he puts his ring and middle finger into my mouth.

"Suck," he quickly demands and I do as told.

I suck on his fingers, never breaking eye contact. I see something flash in his eyes.

He removes his fingers from my mouth with a 'pop' and the corner of his lips turn up. He lowers himself back over my naked body and presses a longing kiss against my lips.

I swear I felt a spark. That kiss was unlike any other kiss we had. It wasn't one fueled by sexual desire but a sweet one. I couldn't pinpoint it.

Before he could get off of me, my hands slip up his hard chest and he pauses. The soft moonlight poured through the window, illuminating Jean and his body. Words slip out of my mouth before I could even realize.

"I want you. Now."

He stares at me, his eyes flickering around my face and his lips slightly parted. I slowly trail my finger up his naked chest, up his neck, across his jawline, before my thumb tugs down his bottom lip. He only stares at me as if he was waiting for my next move.

My fingers slip under his jaw and I bring him towards me before crashing my lips onto his. He immediately kisses me back, his hand holding the back of my head.

I begin to kiss him harder as my hands slip down to his pants. Unbuckling the belt and throwing it off to the side, he breaks our kiss and stands up to grab something from his bedside drawer before remove his pants. I try to catch my breath, and I stare as his takes off the last of the fabric that kept our bodies apart. His erection, already leaking with pre-cum, immediately catches my attention. My eyes widen.

"Holy shit."

I hear Jean let out a laugh, shaking his head slightly.

I didn't mean to say that out loud.

Even in this dark room, I could tell he was big. Really big.

"Are you done staring?"

I snap my eyes away from his hard-on and look up to meet his eyes, a cocky smile plastered on his face.

Jean moves to hover over me again and peppers kisses up my neck before kissing my lips. I kiss him back with the same hunger as our tongues swirl together.

I could feel myself getting wet again, his erection growing even more against my stomach. He takes his lips off of mine to slip on protection before positioning himself at my opening. His length rubs against my throbbing clit and my eyes roll back at the feeling.

He lowers his head towards my ear, teasing me with his lips.

"Are you sure you want this?" he asks softly.

With no hesitation, I mumble out a yes, and he plants one last kiss on my lips. A shaky breath comes from me when I feel him enter me slowly. I wince at the pain when he fully inserts himself into me.

It felt like I was going to rip at my moment from his size. I didn't even think it was humanly possible for someone to be that big.

Noticing my wince, Jean gives me a peck as he patiently waits for me to adjust to his size, and I give him a nod when the pain becomes more bearable.

He carefully pulls back before thrusting himself back into me, and the pain quickly turns into pleasure. He grunts against my ear as his strokes begin to move faster, pumping into me. The room fills with the sound of our skin slapping and our moans as he pounds into me.

I swear I can feel him in my stomach.

"Fuck Iris," he groans out, his motions becoming faster and rougher, and I shut my eyes.

The pleasure was overwhelming, but I enjoyed every second of it. His hands slip down and he lifts my legs and places them over his shoulders again, hitting me even deeper from a slightly different angle.

"Jean!" I moan loudly, my nails scratching down his back, when he hits a sensitive spot with his tip. He takes note of this and begins to slam repeatedly into that same spot.

I was a moaning mess.

The bed rocks back and forth with every strong thrust, hitting the wall behind us. His mouth moves down to my neck, kissing and sucking my skin.

My nails dig into his back and my legs wrap behind his neck again when I feel my orgasm beginning to build up.

"I'm coming," I breath out as he harshly pounds into me, going balls-deep.

"Wait of me," he groans against my ear, his hot breath causing goosebumps to raise on my skin. He reaches his arm up behind me, gripping onto the headboard.

We both moan out as his motions become even faster and harder, reaching parts of me that even I was unaware that was possible.

With one hand grabbing onto the headboard and with the other firmly gripping my hip, he sends a series of powerful thrusts into me. We both let out loud moans at the feeling. The pressure within my core was becoming to much to hold.

"Now," he finally commands.

With one stroke, I reach my orgasm for the second time, moaning his name as I throw my head into the bed in pure ecstasy. He grunts when I come, my walls squeezing his pulsing cock.

He thrusts into me one last time before finally releasing in me. His head falls back with his eyes shut as he moans my name, the moonlight allowing me to witness the moment. His head was lined with a bead of sweat as his chest and muscles moved up and down, riding his orgasm.

After a moment of us trying to ride our highs, he finally removes himself from me, leaving me empty, and goes to discard the used protection in the bin.

I lie flat on the bed and shut my eyes, trying to calm my racing heartbeat. The bed quietly creaks besides me, and I feel his body next to mine. I open my eyes to see him looking up at the ceiling, giving a clear view of his perfect side profile.

Jean turns his body towards me, wrapping his long arms around my waist to pull me closer to him. I tiredly rest my head on his chest, our legs tangled together on top of the sheets, as we both try to calm our breathing.

"Holy shit," I manage to say. I didn't need to look up to know that he had a smile on his face.

I have never experienced sex that good. To finally release the tension and sexual frustration made it that much more pleasurable.

I move slightly in his arms to look up at him. He gives me a confused look but I bring my hand up, running it through his messy hair trying to fix it. When a piece of hair refuses to go down, I can't help but let out a stifled laugh.

"What?" he asks, his eyebrows furrowed at me. This time I burst out laughing.

"Nothing," I respond while shaking my head, quickly stopping my laugh.

We lie in each other's arms for a while, enjoying each other's silent company, before Jean shifts uncomfortably beneath me. I feel something hard poke at my stomach but I ignore it.

"So.." he starts, looking down at me. "We agreed on one night, yes?"

I raise an eyebrow at him.

Why is he asking all of a sudden?

"Yes."

He continues. "And we should take advantage of this one night, yes?"

I squint my eyes at him, a smirk creeping onto my face.

That is what's poking at me.

I reach my hand down towards my stomach to where I feel the poking and wrap my fingers around it. Jean's breathing hitches.

He was already rock hard. Holding eye contact, I begin to stroke his length, moving up and down very slowly.

"Iris..." he groans out, his face contorting in pleasure.

"Hm?" I hum out as I give him an innocent look, my hand beginning to pump him even more.

"What were you trying to say?" I ask with a mischievous smile on my face, my hand still rubbing his hardened cock. He moans at my touch before finally speaking.

"Another round. Now."

The smile on my face grows wider and I lean up to his ear, my lips teasingly tracing its arch.

"Already on it, Captain," I whisper with a smirk.


	13. lukas

As I begin to stir awake, I realize that I wasn't in my room. The window was to the left instead of to the right, allowing sunlight to pour into the room.

Oh, shit.

Next to me was Jean's sleeping body. Our legs were tangled together under the soft sheets, and my head rested on his hard chest. His arms were still wrapped around my waist, keeping me close to him. I look up at him still peacefully sleeping, his chest slowly rising and falling with every breath he takes.

I slept with Jean.

I quietly move to take his hands off my waist, hoping to not wake him up, and I slip off the bed. I ignore the soreness from in between my legs and head towards my bathroom, quickly taking a shower before changing into a plain fitted long sleeve and pants with my brown boots.

I take a quick look in the mirror and do a retake when something catches my eye. My neck was lined with hickeys.

I curse to myself as I rush to grab my powder from my drawer. I pat it on, covering them from view. I keep my hair down to cover the hickeys even more, and I peek out my room to see Jean still sleeping, snoring lightly.

I make a run for the front door, and letting out a breath of relief, I begin to head towards the dining hall.

It was already dinner time by the time I left our room.

Did we really sleep in that late?

The details of last night were fuzzy to me, but I could still feel his touch.

The way his large hands wrapped around my neck, my waist, my hips. The way he tugged my hair back and the dirty promises he whispered in my ear. The way his brown eyes darken and scan my body. The way his lips felt against my skin, leaving goosebumps and love marks wherever he trailed. The way our bodies perfectly molded together.

I never acted like this before, and I can tell that neither has Jean. Last night almost felt as if we were drunk. Drunk on lust.

I groan to myself before grabbing my dinner. I spot the table with Hange, Moblit, and Vera, and I begin to make my way towards them, taking the seat next to Vera.

"There she is!" Hange exclaims with their arms wide, and I give them a glare.

"Where have you been, sleepy head? It's already dinner time," Hange teases with a smile.

"Couldn't sleep last night," I simply answer, taking a large bite from my bread. Vera silently stares at me.

"Well, Moblit and I have to go now. We are going to be trying a new theory I have on Alexander," they beam as they stand up. Moblit mumbles something about Hange under his breath, calling them crazy. I smile to myself at the interaction.

We say our goodbyes to Hange and Moblit, and Vera and I were left alone at the table.

"Someone looks like had a fun time last night," Vera starts with a mischievous smile on her face.

I snap my head towards her.

"What?"

The grin on her face only grows wider.

"So," she says as she takes another bite of her food, "who's the lucky guy?"

My eyes slightly widen at her words. She takes it as a cue to continue.

"Oh come on now, Iris. It's very obvious," she states, playfully rolling her eyes.

"The only other time woke up this late was when you where with..." Her voice trails off as she looks around the dining hall, spotting a couple scouts eating at the tables around us.

She meets my eyes again, sending me a knowing look. "Well, you know who I'm taking about."

"And the hickeys on your neck just prove my suspicion. Anyone who looked close enough could see it."

She squints her eyes at me and waves her hand out. "Plus, you have that glow."

I could only stare at her in shock.

Shit. Was it really that obvious?

"So," she starts with a confident grin, wigging her eyebrows at me. "What's his n--"

I firmly press my finger to her lips, stopping her mid-sentence.

"Not here," I snap, quietly. She gives me a nod.

After we finish our dinner, Vera leads me to her room so we could talk in private and I sluggishly follow. Typically, scouts had to live with a roommate but ever since I moved out, she had the entire room to herself.

I fall back on her bed, letting out a long sigh. I feel the bed dip besides me as Vera sits next to me.

"Okay, spill," she says eagerly, waiting for my answer.

I had originally planned to keep it a secret, but I'm in too deep now. Plus, Vera would never leave me alone if I didn't tell her. I always told her everything.

I take a deep breath before answering.

"Jean," I mumble lowly.

"Who?"

I say his name a little louder this time.

"What was that?" she asks teasingly. I send her a scowl.

"Do you have the hearing of a grandma?" I say sarcastically, and she rolls her eyes.

"I can't hear you," she pretends with a cheeky grin painted on her face.

"Jean!" I say louder, and she finally gives me a look of satisfaction.

"I know," she answers as I sit back up on her bed.

My eyebrows furrow in confusion. "What?"

"I had my suspicions about you and Jean for a while now. Ever since that time where Connie and Sasha kept asking you questions about him. The way you reacted to their questions was almost hilarious."

I punch her arm.

"Ow! What the hell, Iris?" Vera says, rubbing her arm where I had hit her.

"You bitch," I say under my breath. She lets out a loud laugh in response.

There was a moment of silence before she turns her body to face me.

"So, what are you guys then? Is this another Lukas situation?"

I stiffen at the name.

Lukas Hertz.

I hadn't heard that name in ages.

Lukas and I met at training camp. Like the other boys, Lukas took a liking into me but I never really became involved with him until the last six months of our training. He found me one night out of the porch when I couldn't sleep. We ended up talking for hours that night on that porch, looking up at the night sky. One thing led to another, and we ended up sleeping together that night.

After all, a girl has her needs.

It originally meant to be a one-night thing, but instead, we both realized that we wanted each other more than we thought. So, we came to an agreement. And as long as we followed the three rules, everything would work out.

Rule 1: It was an agreement purely of sex. Nothing more. It isn't a committed relationship.

Rule 2: No one could know. It would be a secret kept between us and us only.

Rule 3: Don't fall in love. No strings attached. This is the most important rule.

We essentially became friends with benefits.

For the last few months of our training, we snuck around and no one managed to find out. Although it was against one of our rules, I ended up telling Vera. I knew I could trust her, and she kept our secret.

Although we slept together, we also became better friends, talking to each other almost every day. He would sneak into my room every night and we would just stay up talking or go on a late night walk. He opened up to me about his family and I did the same.

Lukas came from Stohess District and lived with his parents and two younger siblings, his brother and sister. However, his father was drafted into the military after Wall Maria was broken into. His father died just like how my own father did. He left home to join the military, hoping to make his father proud.

We related to each other and took advantage of it. We managed to find comfort in each other, even if it meant only forgetting about our past for one night.

After graduation, we parted ways. Placing third in our class, Lukas went off to join the Military Police while I joined the Survey Corps. I haven't seen him since.

"Iris?"

I snap out of my thoughts.

"Huh?" I say quickly, turning to look at Vera who stared at me with concern.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I say, looking down. "Sorry, I spaced out. What did you ask again?"

She gives me a look before speaking. "What is your relationship with Jean exactly?"

I stare at the floor, trying to come up with an answer.

He's my Captain. I'm his Co-Captain. We are basically comrades.

But comrades don't sleep with each other.

"I'm not sure," I answer honestly.

I had absolutely no clue what our relationship was. It was too complicated to put into words.

We had agreed on one night. I had no idea why or how it even happened, but it did. And we can't reverse it. We need to talk again.

We need to play our cards right.

Vera thinks to herself. "Are you guys... like friends with benefits? Would it be called captain with benefits?"

"Please," I huff out, burying my face in my hands. "Last night was the first time we slept together."

I add on. "And will be our last."

"Well," she says with a grin. "Was he good?"

I send her a blank stare.

"Yes," I admit. "'Good' is probably an understatement."

"Was he big?"

"Vera stop," I say, shaking my head at her, and she laughs. I laugh with her.

"So, how about you and Leo?" I ask, changing the subject. Her eyes widen at my words.

"Nothing's happening," she answers quickly, clearing her throat.

"When we were first introduced to Hange's squad, you practically fell in love with him right then and there," I tease. "And from the look on his face, I could tell he felt the same way."

"No," she answers sheepishly, shaking her head.

"If he really did feel strongly about me, you would think he would've made a move by now, but he hasn't. I just don't think he sees me that way," she answers, keeping her eyes on her feet.

Vera had the biggest crush on Leo Sommer, one of the members on Hange's Squad. He was highly skilled, graduating at 16 and joining an elite squad at 17. When I was still on Hange's squad, we often worked together on missions. I tried to encourage Vera to make a move for months now, but she always refuses.

And I had no idea why Leo didn't make his move either. On missions, I would always catch him staring at Vera, his eyes softening at the sight of her. He would even ask me about Vera, claiming he was trying to get to know us new members, but I knew that wasn't the case.

I made it a personal goal of mine to play cupid and make those two a thing. They were perfect for each other.

We ended up talking for hours in her room, catching each other up on the latest gossip and news. When the clock hit midnight, I finally say my goodbyes and begin to make the dreaded walk to my room. Our room.

I had no idea what I was going to say or do if I saw Jean again. I wasn't prepared.

Ignore him? Slap the shit out of him? Kiss him?

The possibilities are endless at this point.

When I notice that the room was empty, I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding before beginning to strip out of my clothes. Picking out a black camisole and simple grey shorts, I begin to tiredly put them on and go to wash my face. Water droplets drip from my face as I keep my eyes closed, listening to the sound of the running water.

Memories of last night rapidly flash through my mind.

By 'one night,' we really meant it. We went at it almost all night long until dawn. Jean took me on the floor, on the wall, against the closet, and again on the bed. I had never had sex that good in my life, not even with Lukas.

It left me only wanting more.

Now every time I look at Jean, I will be reminded out that night. There was no way for us to stay professional after this.

"Shit," I curse under my breath in realization.

We totally screwed up and there's no going back.


	14. agreement

I wave a goodbye to Hange before heading back to my room. I spent the entire day assisting Hange with their experiments and helping them prepare for the upcoming mission. Tomorrow, we would be moving out to a cottage and begin experimenting with Eren's Titan hardening ability. And hopefully, we could use it to seal and reclaim Wall Maria once and for all.

The door creaks open, revealing Jean sitting in the office. He seems to be doing some kind of paperwork.

"You still have more work?" I ask as I shrug my jacket off my shoulders and place it on the sofa.

His brown eyes flicker up to me before he begins to put the papers away.

"Something like that," he mumbles out, shutting a book before standing out of his seat and heading to his room to put it away. I crash onto the sofa, letting out a tired sigh.

"Don't work too hard. We are leaving for the mission first thing tomorrow morning," I say, closing my eyes, enjoying the feeling of the heat radiating from the active fireplace.

Footsteps approach from behind and I feel the couch dip besides me.

Feeling a pair of eyes on me, I open my eyes to see Jean facing himself towards me with his arm outstretched on the top of the sofa. He stares at me with an unfamiliar expression on his face.

I raise my eyebrow at him. "Jean?"

I must've snapped him out of his daze, and his eyes widen when he realizes I was talking to him.

"Are u okay?" I ask with my eyebrows furrowed, trying to suppress a laugh.

"Yeah," he says, breaking eye contact to stare into the fireplace.

He slightly jumps when I place my hand on his thigh.

I don't know why I did it, but I did.

His gaze returns to my face and I send him a stare.

"You sure?"

"Yeah," he says with a light smile. "Don't worry about me. I can handle myself."

I only nod my head at his answer and silence consumes the room. I take the time to analyze him.

His eyebrows held a slight furrow and his lips were pursed together. He looks conflicted, like he was debating something.

"Like the view?" he says suddenly and I snap out of my thoughts. He had a wide smirk painted on his face.

I roll my eyes at him and let out a scoff. "Please."

"I was trying to be nice but of course you had to ruin the moment," I say with a dramatic sigh, the corners of my lips threatening to tilt up.

He lets out a laugh and I can't help but to do the same, his hand rubbing small circles on my arm.

During our conversation, his arm somehow managed to make its way behind my shoulder, unknowingly drawing me closer to him. I was leaned into him and his side, my hand still resting on his thigh. Neither of us even realized how close had gotten. 

I awkwardly shift in my seat and pull my hand away from his thigh as if he had burned me. His expression changes but Jean doesn't say anything.

"So," he starts with his arm still over my shoulders, "What is going to happen between us?"

Here we go again.

I tilt my head up, enough to meet his eyes. 

"Are you talking about..." I trail off, my mouth refusing to say it.

"Yep," he says, popping the 'p'. 

"And don't say that we should just forget about it again. Because that obviously didn't work," he adds with a boyish grin. 

"I guess I'm just too hard to resist," Jean brags, running a hair through his light brown hair.

I look up at him with a blank expression before a smirk grows on my lips.

"And apparently that's not the only thing that's hard," I tease while nudging his knee with mine, my eyes quickly looking him up and down.

He nudges me back as he looks down with a smile before shaking his head slightly. 

"Touché."

I smile to myself, our knees still touching. 

"But seriously."

I could see him staring at me from the corner of my eye. I let out a frustrated sigh. 

"I don't know," I answer honestly. "I really don't."

"Well, you did seem to enjoy it so stopping is out of the question."

My grey eyes flash to his face. 

"What?" 

"What?" he says quickly before looking around the room, avoiding my eyes. He was trying to act clueless but the cocky smile on his face proves otherwise. 

"Fine," I let out, putting my hands together. 

"I did have a thought. I just don't know if you're up for it. You probably couldn't handle it," I tease, letting out a sigh.

He meets my gaze again, a curious look on his face.

"I can handle anything," he responds with a smirk. "I am the best, after all."

I send him another blank stare as he looks at me with that stupid grin and I shake my head. 

"I hate you," I say playfully.

He stares at me intensely with the corners of his lips tilted upwards.

"You know you don't."

Butterflies.

The tension between us was becoming too much for me and I look away from Jean, hoping my face wasn't getting red. 

"So, your plan?" he says, hinting at me to continue.

I hesitate for a moment. 

This could either go very good or horribly wrong. It all depends on Jean and his response. Knowing that he is the cocky bastard that he is, the chances were ever so slightly in my favor. But regardless, there was still that risk. If he says no, I would die right here on the spot from embarrassment.

Why do I keep getting myself into these type of situations?

"Well," I finally start. "How do I say this?" I say under my breath to myself.

"Spit it out, Iris."

I swallow my pride and turn my body to face him. It was hard to concentrate with the way he stares down at me, but I shake the thought from my mind before I miss the opportunity.

Time for the moment of truth.

There was no point in wasting time by beating around the bush.

"Friends with benefits," I bluntly say. "Or whatever that would be called between us," I add in a mumbled voice.

I look at Jean, nervously waiting for his reaction, but he manages to keep his face blank as he stares down at me. But then, I see his eyes glimmer with a hint of playfulness and with something else I was unfamiliar with. 

"Wow," he huffs out as he raises his eyebrows. "Iris, is this your way of asking me out?" he adds playfully. 

"Stop," I respond, a smile threatening to form on my lips. "I'm serious."

I reach out my hand again, resting it on his hard chest. He tenses under my touch, and his brown eyes flicker back to me.

"That night has been on your mind, right?" I ask, my fingers slowly tracing down his chest.

He shifts uncomfortably in his seat. "That, I am not afraid to admit," he says lowly with a grin. I roll my eyes at him.

"And you still crave it, yes?" 

My finger was tracing down to his lower abdomen, dangerously close to the top of his pants. Jean's breath hitches when I reach his belt buckle.

"Y- yes," he breaths out, clearly affected by my touch. A smirk forms on my lips.

I pull my fingers away and sit back up, moving away from Jean.

"So as long as we establish rules and follow them, everything will work out perfectly."

"Oh?" His eyes were still on me. "And these rules are..?" he inquires curiously.

I hold up a single finger in front of him. 

"Number one. It isn't a relationship and we aren't dating. It is simply an..." I trail off as I try to think of the right word.

"Agreement. To use each other's bodies."

Jean watches me intently, not objecting or saying a word. I take this as a cue to continue. I nervously raise another finger, holding up a two. 

"Number two. No one can know. If someone finds out and the word spreads, it would be bad for both of us. Someone could even report it to Erwin, then we would be totally screwed. I think we can both agree that we both worked hard to get to this rank, and I doubt either of us would want that to all go down the drain."

I raise a final finger, holding up a three in from of Jean. I watch his face carefully, trying to read his expression.

"And last but not least, number three. Don't catch feelings. Everything goes downhill if feelings get involved."

A smile breaks out on Jean's face. "Is that a challenge?"

I glare at him but the smile doesn't leave his face. 

"Anyways," I say, rolling my eyes, "Understand?"

"Understood," he replies with a twinkle in his eye. 

"Do you have any rules you want to add? Or questions?" 

"Actually," he starts after taking a second to think to himself. "I do have one question."

I let out a hum, signaling him to continue.

"Are there any limits to this... agreement?" he asks with a grin on his face.

I squint my eyes at him. He is definitely thinking of something but I couldn't tell what. 

"Nope. I guess there aren't."

His eyes scan my face, his eyes quickly flickering to my lips then back up to my eyes. 

I didn't realize it, but Jean was begin to lean towards me, moving closer and closer until his lips were near my ear. His hot breath touches my skin and shivers are sent through my entire body. 

I can feel Jean's lips form into a smile against my ear before finally speaking again. 

"Perfect."


	15. message

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !! Spoiler Warning: Attack on Titan season 3 (The Uprising Arc) !!

Another fail.

Eren's Titan lets out another weak roar before collapsing to the floor, steam beginning to emit from it. His Titan was barely nine meters and most of its body missing muscle mass. From my horse, I could see Eren's back and legs still exposed from its nape.

"What's wrong, Eren?! Get up!" Hange yells from the cliff where they, Levi, and the others were overlooking the experiment. 

"The future of humanity is riding on you! Get up, dammit!"

Unfortunately, this wasn't the first time Eren failed to transformed. We have been staying in a remote cabin in Wall Rose for about four days, yet with little progress.

I hook my arms under Eren's and begin to try to pull him from his Titan. Mikasa, Hange, and Moblit begin to make their way towards me.

I curse under my breath as the heat and steam stings my body. His face and arms were still connected to his decaying Titan, and I give one last pull. 

"Mikasa!" I call out and she immediately understands, cutting Eren free using her blade. 

I fall back with Eren's body, his face bleeding and the flesh of his Titan still attached to his face and arms.

With their foot tapping, Hange stood next to Moblit. They let out a quiet sigh, shaking their head. 

"Okay. We are done experimenting for today," Hange announces before walking back towards the cabin, Moblit following close behind them. 

I stand up with Eren's limp body and Mikasa rushes to help. We begin to lead him back to the cabin and when we get to his room, I leave Eren with Mikasa. I quietly close the door behind them, and I jump when I bump into a hard surface. 

"What the..." I mumble out, looking up to see Jean looking down at me. 

"You scared the living shit out of me."

"And hello to you, too," he responds with a slight grin, not moving from his spot. We stood in a long empty hallway with only a small window allowing light to flow in.

"Do you need something?" I ask with confusion. Panic begins to take over his face, but he hides it well.

"I just wanted to say hi to my Co-Captain. Is that so wrong?" he answers lowly, leaning down towards my face. Our faces were only inches away from each other, and I swear I felt my thighs clench.

I give him a suspicious glare. "If you want what I think you want, no. Not now, at least."

"Oh?" Jean says, a glimmer of playfulness in his eyes. "And what do you think I want?"

He's teasing me. I know it.

I roll my eyes at him before slipping my way around him. 

"Bye," I quickly say under my breath as I speed-walk away, leaving Jean in the empty hall. I sharply turn the corner and head straight to my room, shutting it behind me. 

\---

Wiping the bead of sweat from my forehead with the back of my hand, I roll my shoulder back and put my arms up, ready to go another round. I begin another round on the makeshift wooden dummy I had found in the shed behind the house.

To let Eren recover properly, we had a free day today and I make myself busy by working out. Sparring and excising has always been acted as a stress-reliever for me, something I did to take my mind off of everything. 

I finally finish the last round, my chest heaving up and down. The burning sun and the hot air made it even harder to catch my breath. I hear a sound from the left of me and I turn my head, seeing Eren leaning against the tree.

"Eren?" I call out and he brings his wide eyes up to meet mine.

"Hi."

"...Is something wrong?" I ask, confused. He quickly shakes his head.

"No no! I was just watching," he answers, his hand rubbing the back of his neck.

"Aren't you suppose to be in bed, resting?" I ask with my eyebrow raised. I walk up next to him, grabbing my water canteen that I had left nearby. Eren laughs sheepishly before looking down at the ground.

"Mikasa has been telling me the same thing but I'm fine. I don't need someone to take care of me. I'll be okay to try the experiments again soon."

Over the past four days, we have been staying at the cabin, I got to learn a lot more about Eren, humanity's hope. We have talked a couple times before, usually as we did our chores since we were partnered together often by Levi. 

I don't think I have met anymore more determined and driven than him, even more than me. It's almost admirable, but it can also easily be his downfall. After the short time I spent getting to know him, I could tell he was reckless, throwing his life on the line if it meant he could defeat all the Titans and save his loved ones. But regardless, Eren has earned my respect. I couldn't even fathom the amount of pressure he must feel.

We continued to talk to each other until the sun shone directly above us, and we make our way back to the cabin just in time for lunch.

The entire time, I couldn't help but to feel another pair of eyes on us, but I shrug it off.

"Everyone," Hange calls out. We all turn our heads towards Hange and Moblit who had just arrived.

They left early in the morning to Trost District to see a pastor who supposedly knew the secrets of the Walls. They had just arrived back during lunch and called an unexpected meeting. We sat at the table, Jean coming and standing behind my chair with his arms crossed. 

"He's dead... Pastor Nick. He was murdered this morning in the Trost District barracks."

Our eyes widen, but Levi held his usual blank expression.

They go on to explain that Pastor Nick was tortured before being killed by the Interior Police. 

As if perfectly timed, a firm knock comes from the door. Historia goes to open it, and a Scout with choppy red hair walks in, a letter in her hand.

"Captain Levi," she starts as she takes long strides towards Levi who was seated at the head of the table. 

"I went to tell him about Pastor Nick, but he sent me off with this." She hands Levi the letter and he takes it. We all watch as he opens the letter, reading it. After a while, he finally speaks.

"We need to move out," he orders as he stands up from his chair. We follow suit, rising from our seats. 

"Leave no trace that we were here."

For the next half-hour, we spent the time packing and cleaning. We had no idea why we needed to leave but none of us questioned it. Or at least none of us dared to.

Sweeping the long trench coat over my shoulders and putting the backpack on, I was ready to go. I send a nod to Jean who was waiting on me, and we catch up with the rest of the group outside.

"Let's move," Levi says, beginning to walk into the forest, and we follow behind. The sun set on us when we finally reached a cliff. From that high point, we watch as the Military Police swarm and swat the cabin.

"That was close..." Connie had spoken. He stares with wide eyes down at the cabin and the Military Police. "If we hadn't left right then, what would've happened to us?"

"But why? Why would Commander Erwin...?" asks Armin, who stood next to Connie.

"New orders came from the government. There's been a freeze on all Scout Regiment activity outside the walls." We turn our heads towards Levi's voice.

Nifa, the red-headed messenger, reveals to us that shortly after being given the commands for Erwin, he was arrested.

After Levi and Hange discuss potential plans, they finally announce them to us.

We would all head back to Trost District. From there, Hange and Moblit, with Otto and Miles from our squad accompanying them, will be heading back to Erwin while the rest of us assist Levi in a separate mission.

The night takes over and we find a secluded area in the forest to set up camp for the night. Grabbing the two rocks I found, I forcefully hit them together, sparks forming and catching onto the firewood. A fire shortly erupts, giving us light in the dark night. 

An hour must've past and almost everyone was already asleep. The only thing I could hear is the sound of crickets and Hange snoring. Levi was no where to be found. Grabbing a nearby twig, I poke at the fire to keep it alive. Sounds come from behind me and a figure sits besides me. 

"You still up?" Jean asks, rubbing his tired eyes with his hands.

"No, I'm asleep," I answer sarcastically. He sends me a look, and I smile to myself. 

"Why aren't you sleeping? We have a mission tomorrow."

I instinctively lean my head on his shoulder, and he tenses slightly before relaxing. 

"I just have a lot on my mind."

"About...?" he leads on, turning to look at me.

"About everything, to be honest. My family, the Titans, the mission. Just a lot." 

"Well, do you want to talk about it?" he asks softly. I shake my head in response.

"I'd rather not. I don't want to bore you with all my problems," I say with a forced laugh.

Jean leaves it alone and I am grateful for that. I have never been good at talking about my feelings. I never want to be a burden on anyone.

We sat in front of the fire in silence, my body still pressed against his. 

And Jean was an entire different story.

After our... agreement, we have slept together once during our four days at the cottage. Since we lived in the same cottage as the others, it would be difficult to sneak around but Jean managed to climb through my window one of the nights. It was quite amusing to say the least. 

We must've sat in silence for a couple minutes before my eyelids start to feel heavy. I feel an arm wrap around my waist, preventing me from falling over, as I begin to drift off.


End file.
